Surprisingly terrible jargon: Education. One can only “UNPACK” or “DIFFERENTIATE” something so many times. I’m sick of google docs telling me SUMMATIVE isn’t a word even though it’s apparently necessary to tell me little johnny doesn’t know fuckall. Oh, and we better be TRIANGULATING OUR DATA or else what are we even…

what about a pork bun, genius, ever think of that

This is sure to be a monster hit, like all the other recent conservative comedies such as An American Carol and those Atlas Shrugged movies that were clearly filmed in high school gyms.

I, for one, am glad people are getting bored with it and it’s becoming not a shocking thing anymore. Maybe it’ll normalize the human body enough that people will stop being such pearl-clutching prudes all the time (not you Bobby, just in general.

You go Kim. You go straight to the Salon and get rid of those braids. But…

My son’s 5 year old friend is a pro at Cars Driven to Win on PS4. He talks loads of shit to my son, his friends and even his older brother. So, obviously, I had to set him straight at his birthday party. I was smoking him, about to win the race, and the little shit reset the game on me.

What a bold, progressive stance for the team to be taking in 1975.

In 2019. In 2019. And they can still profit off it. C’mon man. What a fucking farce. Giving idiots a year warning, they can only expect even more motherfuckers in redface. Fuck.

he didn’t say toucher & pretend-rich.

People these days. All these snowflakes go right to their mommy blogs when I correct them on facebook by telling them, “Actually, your kid seems a little ‘cunty’.” Now I’m not welcome at Thanksgiving anymore. Did I make a big deal about it when their kid had an allergic reaction at my Super Bowl party? No. I told them…

Where does a whitesplainer get his water? From a “well, actually”.

So white people are biying biying afro combs, and picks, and s curl and shea butter and just for me perm kits?

I’m pretty sure that you were watching James Bumd, a gay porn parody.

“In His Loving Service” is the worst fucking James Bond movie.

Deadspin? ESPN. Fox Sports? ESPN. Home Shopping Network? ESPN as fuck! That old McNugget under my couch that looks like Tim Tebow’s helmet? ESPN!

Clearly you are attempting to be humerus in your description of The President of the United States.

My favorite poop story is the one about the Vikings shitting the bed last Sunday.

Woman: Where were you tonight? You said you were working late!

these are the gloves Ted Cruz always pretends he’s wearing.

Can’t break the Pence Rule if the other person’s a dude

My Mom, her two siblings and their three first cousins came home to a partially eaten pan of fudge one day and kept eating and eating until they realized they were going to get in trouble for how much fudge they’d eaten. Being kids of the 1950s with very little supervision, they decided the best course of action would…