Found the call from Saban’s hometown:

Why did you post photos of Paul Ryan and Ted Cruz?

Why wouldn’t the Pats just lie to JG? Tell him he’ll be the starter in 2-3 years and keep him around as an insurance policy for when Brady decomposes. If Brady is still somehow magically in playing form at that time and the Pats want to keep him, what is JG going to do about it? I mean sure it’s unethical and gross…

A leaky one.

Thank you for this explanation. This is probably the best breakdown I’ve seen so far. Sincerely.

Coach used to say “don’t get caught playin’ with your Peter (punt).”

Took me a minute, but bravo!

From the video:

Just like thier FB coach, that rancid piece of shit, Todd Graham. His son Bo pulled the same stunt at my alma mater. Everyone knew about it, and it was skeevy as fuck. Glad he got outsted in 2015. Is “your son gets access to prime NCAA athlete tail” listed in the benefits package these days? SMH

A spank a day keeps the doctor away.

Port Lavaca, TX - Calhoun High School Fightin’ Sandcrabs

I don’t know if I’ll ever see another article you write without thinking “I okenrub mah penis after I write these things.” So dumb, yet so effective.

Apply this creepy Sammy the Owl image to your frontal lobe like a branding iron.

All of this. Say what you will of the product on the field, but Coach Bailiff might be one of the nicest and down-to-earth people on the planet. I hope he’s able to turn it around this season and not get shuffled off unceremoniously.

Fuck Gregg Abbott right in the ear!

Take this (admittedly neat) concept, and apply it to rap battles.