“If he’s so white, why wasn’t he lined up as quarterback?” -Officer on the scene.

Maybe he pulled back that hoodie and she got a good look at his face.

Pushing 60 what? School buses?

Somebody go wake up Green Day.

There’s no way Tom Brady was going to let go of that ball just because Breeland grabbed his legs. You have to yell “Droppit!” and pull it out of his mouth. It’s so annoying because he knows you can’t throw it for him again unless he lets go of it.

What are you talking about?  That pussy just ripped through that box and snatched her face.  Not much to unpack.  Vagina.  

You should have Matt Ryan hold it, because he’s not going to throw it away.

Cool art cars.  

Would the puma be required to eat all of Jameis Winston or just the W?

Actually the most embarrassing Banner is Cletus, who never managed to Hulk out.

My goal in life as an adult is to not get invited to Halloween parties.

Metta looking around: “who threw that: no really, where are you?”

“You have fun with your little game, I’m gonna go get the top half of my face tanned!”

I think I’ve eaten my body weight in wings this year alone, but I eat wings 2-3 times per week at least.

Chicken thighs: HIGHLY underrated. Get some Shake & Bake and it’s your childhood circa 1989 all over again!

This comment has a Cormac McCarthy feel to it. I like it.

Conservatives: The poors and coloreds are nothing but drunken, violent degenerates.

One night in a little saloon in Fort Stockton, Texas, I ripped a man’s leg off and beat another man to death with it. The West Texas desert ran red with blood that night, my friends, and it pooled underneath the I-10's overpass and I bathed as a grackle does in the puddled muddy water of the rolling thunderstorms…

Finally, a reason to dislike Kobe.

OMG! Kobe was blind the whole time!