okay but you’re lying in a tub full of warm water why wouldn’t you pee??

i’ll wash them when i have my 2-hour bath - like once a month or every other month i’ll shave everything from the neck down, scrub with a loofa and some really nice soap, and then moisturize when i get out.

it is! it’s just vinyl, but i applied it myself (with help from someone who has experience applying decals)

2015, first car i bought by myself.

um.. my beetle has a pink stripe.

“he buttered up his lady friend”

what i don’t understand is how the wrong kid had the right passport - wouldn’t they have noticed that it didn’t match??

maybe Trump is a result of the literal over-abundance of trash in this country - like somewhere there’s a landfill that spontaneously gained sentience and compacted itself into a human shape that now roams the country, slowly converting the entire thing into a giant trash dump.

i read the headline as ‘tough as nails salon owner’ and thought ‘goddammit, you guys’

‘i appreciate women as people now, which is why i’m going to check out my daughters friends once she hits high school age while simultaneously threatening boys her own age with a shotgun.’

wasn’t that sylvia browne?

my mom want to go on so bad and hear from my grandmother, but she’s scared shitless that she’d hear from my GREAT grandmother.

Maybe ‘kids his age’ wouldn’t make these ‘mistakes’ if we taught them that it's not a mistake, it's fucking assault, to not okay, and you're a real fucking dumbass who doesn't deserve to be a productive member of society if you think it's okay?

i think my favorite part about this is that it isn’t LOOK AT WHAT AMERICA DID (even though we did kick ass!) it’s LOOK AT WHAT THESE WOMEN FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD DID

my last tweet will be about how my cousin and aunt make $600000 a month at home, working only 25 hours a week,, working fro google

Our local news reported that there was a note from the father found saying that he bought the gun to do this >:(

god i hope it’s the first one

Pick up a part time job and pay them to let you fill it with vagina blood.

Are we not gonna talk about how my celebrity boyfriend Hunter Hayes sang All-Star with Smash Mouth because it was exactly as mediocre as I was expecting it to be and I loved it

‘it’s just a sign of the times. people today, they’re weak. back in my day, women knew their place, they spoke when spoken to. we taught kids respect with a paddle. we walked to school uphill both ways, in the rain and snow, without shoes, and we LIKED it. nowadays we have this ‘pc’ nonsense. if i can’t get away with…