da fuq? next you’ll be telling me to stop drinking my strawberry quik when i eat my general tso’s takeout.

Don’t forget to LIE about teaching that kid out in public. After you teach him out in public. That was the best part!

I assume the back surgery is an exploratory procedure in which they’ll be looking for something resembling a spine.  

Have to say, the RAM driver did a great job getting his truck slid into just the right position.

Obviously someone got an 11 killstreak.

Best way to keep a Baptist from drinking all your booze... invite two of them.

He was just asking for it, wasn’t he? Shouldn’t go out on the field dressed like that if you don’t want to take illegal hits.

when have we ever seen a punter like King?

“Doug Glanville already gave me one” is somehow the best comeback I have ever heard

Do you even MsPaint, bro?

Yeah, because the best way to be respectful to people is to call them insane and mock their beliefs. It’s okay, though, because Christians aren’t on the PC police protected list. It’s perfectly okay to mock them and berate them since you are intellectually and morally superior. You want to know how Trump won? …

I understand it’s a long speech and the clicks come from being first, but please, PROOFREAD.

Cowboys Executive: The way it works is we get ourselves in a good position and we don’t make a move again until it’s over. Got it?

INVISIBLE PENIS AND BALLS!

I’m going to buy this and drive an hour up to my parents house and use their landline to make the long-distance phone call to Redmond Washington. They’re going to be pissed just like they were 25 years ago.

Knoblauch used to flash that same smile throwing to first, knowing he was making some lucky fan’s day with a free souvenir.

What’s the big deal? Tim Tebow bounced passes to receivers for years and nobody was impressed.

“Royal Towing, the towing company involved, has called and apologized to Montgomery, and offered to pay to have the transmission serviced, but wanted the videos taken offline.”

Tow companies are SCUUUUUUMMMMMMBAGS.

there’s a guy outside who says he needs to be in here

If you EVER have an opportunity for 0% loan and there are two options for payment term, you ALWAYS take the longer one. If you are paying no interest, then there is absolutely rational reason not to extend the terms if given the option. Think about it this way: if you owe me ten dollars and I say hey, you can pay me…