Niki Minaj spreads like syphilis whereas Ariana can’t delete your picture from her mind?

I prefer to punish manspreaders the old fashioned way - by sitting my fat ass next to them and slowly squeezing their legs back together through the awesome power of physics.

Oddly, he’s not arguing that the NFL should guarantee and honor the terms of their contracts, he’s arguing that he shouldn’t have to honor his.

Her kid doesn’t go there yet.

Oh I have the best story about a wedding proposal...

Just goes to show that you can only be a corrupt organization for 111 years before it comes back to bite you

I suggest that you all un-gerrymander your states by having a non elected, non political party draw your district boundaries. This has lead to California’s local government being very sane over the last few years. Also, tie your state governing bodies pay to having a balanced budget in on time. Then you, shocker, have…

And female constituents to boot. It’s a pretty tiny too-little-too-late concession but for once it’s not another parental notification requirement or 24-48-72-96... hour waiting period that was squeezed thru because women’s reproductive rights are always the first thing on the table when the 2 parties are…

So, what we’re saying is that it’s absolutely not ok for anybody to have a sense of humor about their job. Great. People do realize that it’s ok to laugh still, right? Hello? Right?

Um ok like literally just get rid of #BlameOneNotAll and replace it with #WellIShouldFuckingHopeNot and we’re good

Everybody in Austin is all “It’s not really like Texas!” which is true, except in sense that it is legally a part of Texas. There are a lot of cities that bustle around, have great food and music, and are family friendly that aren’t in a the middle of a state that is so proud of its stupidity.

Based on friends in Austin, it isn’t that great. It’s progressive for TEXAS. Not for like, Earth.

we want to protect parents’ rights

Oh Texas... what hath you wrought? So, I guess everything really is bigger in Texas. Including the need to smother a woman’s rights over her own body. New rule. You can’t come up and smoke our weed or ski on our slopes until you get all this straightened out.

Gronk is the exact perfect antidote for a league plagued with the disease of taking itself WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. God Bless that sonofabitch...

“It was an enormous, enormous triumph,” Steinem told ABC “We feel very celebratory and positive that we have created a voyage across the DMZ in peace and reconciliation that was said to be impossible.”

Now get an avatar, pleb.

One from when I was in college. I discovered through a friend that in South Georgia, you can find magic mushrooms growing out of cow shit...they’d be the ones with little purple skirts. With my grandfather conveniently owning about 100 acres of cow pastures, every time I’d come home, I’d have a blast with an…

I had A LOT of what I thought was tomato and mozzarella cheese at a fancy hotel breakfast buffet. Turns out I was just eating tomato and cream cheese.

This is during the weekend where I met my (then) girlfriend’s family for the first time. I was exposed for the yokel that I am.

I love how the girls - the real victims - have become completely invisible in all this. And when I say love, I mean “I would like to set someone’s face on fire”.