The shrike is coming. Why didn’t we blow up Hyperion?

Good times! I keep my southern family as Facebook friends just to laugh at their posts with my wife during election season.

This gal is crafty as a fox. Next the boycots of her business come. She “goes into hiding” and boom, two weeks from now she’s been crowdfunded 4-5 years worth of income. I wish I had it in me to do or say something so stupid so as to get shit on publicly for a week, as it seems to be the en vogue method of separating…

Could just be me, but it seems like it’s more a generational thing/changing of the times. My parents/grandparents and people their age seemed to think it was no big thing to invite people over to your house for a “party” that is really just trying to make them buy shit (1950’s man “How cute, when honey-pie is not in…

It’s also hard to taxidermy them too, apparently:

Actually, yeah, it’s already started. One reason I shared the other day was to see if people thought her bizarre tales were funny enough to read. Most aren’t quite as awkward as the Rolling Stones one, but they’re still quite unique and colorful, with some of the best being my aunt’s now adult interpretations of the…

During that same trip to NYC, they early on befriended a bartender who had dreams of performing on Broadway.

The way the story is told is half the story.

This is exactly what I do. I’ll take in bits and pieces of the regular season via Sports Center highlights—just enough to not be totally clueless when the playoffs roll around—then start watching during the second round of the playoffs. Occasionally, if I’ve heard good things about a specific team, I’ll watch the…

One time my mom let me have some friends over for a party and she let us drink Coke AFTER 10pm!

I’ll let you in on a secret. My real name isn’t Tony Gunk.

So I'm getting married in a month, and my fiancé and I are closing on a house next week. Instead of some over-the-top bachelor party, I am asking that my friends just help me move.

I thought Rivers’ problem with L.A. was that he didn’t want to uproot his family from San Diego. Being traded to Tennessee would do that as well.

Nice. Think that would fly today?

I was trying to capture the experience of hearing it firsthand, but my writing skills aren’t actually capable of the magnificence that is this story being told in the flesh.

This one is dated, and doesn’t technically involve the musician, but I’ll share. Also, I’m not sure if it is true, but considering my aunts love to tell the story when they’re drunk, and my mother gets all huffy while not explicitly calling it a lie, I believe it. My mom and two of her sisters came to the US (she’s…

Conversely, it takes sooooo much effort to be a raging prick. Laziness pays off people!

It is wonderful to see karma strike so quickly.

Thanks for this, and my condolences to you. August 2, 2009, a very dear friend of mine passed away, and the loss cuts just as deep today as it did then. At this point, I suppose all I can say is that I'm thankful to have had the honor of befriending a person so amazing that their passing ripped such a large whole in…

(Generally, it’s all right as long as you’re not deriving sexual pleasure from it.)