Where the fuck is she shopping that all that costs $29?

Honestly don’t know. We’ve come to the conclusion she was expecting a thick accent with broken English, maybe bad hygiene and really poor and whatever other bad stereotypes you can come up with, and lumped it all together in “Mexican.”. So “less Mexican” probably meant not conforming to her stereotype of what someone…

It isn’t a compliment to tell a minority they’re much less (insert adjective with negative connotation or re-stating their ethnicity) than you expected. Example, when my wife met her freshman roommate in college (wife = Hispanic, randomly assigned roommate = white girl from Nebraska), and the first thing the girl said…

Totally. When we moved to NYC, we had to give away shelves worth of books simply because there is no space for it. I believe the contempt for e-readers is a class thing, with the physical book just being yet another thing to feel smug about. It used to be people who would claim that “only a proper hardcover, with the…

Coming in there in a pressure situation, bases loaded, fans cheering you, does it make you any more like a Phillie?

This is why ethics in journalism is so important. Especially when dealing with topics that have historically been, at the least, ignored, or at the worst, actively swept under the rug and denied. Articles like the Rolling Stone one are exactly what the deniers need to stop a movement in its tracks. It becomes a…

I agree it is terribly unromantic, but on the bright side, I was spared the shopping for and praying that I'd picked the right ring (we just went together and picked it the next weekend), the nervous proposal and all that. Plus, technically I can say my wife proposed to me :)

Walking through Boystown on the way to Wrigley, I saw two bears shit in one cup.

He’s doing a great job of suckling up to the Kardashian fame teet and capitalizing for himself. Kudos!

“LIFE IS SPECIAL!” screams the red-faced man, whose rage and general discomfort with human interaction is tempered by the knowledge that, one day, he will lead this beautiful country populated entirely by unborn fetuses.

Limited edition sloth hair coat? Is Mr. Burns behind this somehow?

I don't believe so. I didn't really get that vibe. It was more just painfully friendly and chatty than it was sexual.

I shit you not (clever, eh?), that's when my wife and I decided to get married. She was showering, I was pooping, we were chatting about life, she popped her head out and said we should get married. I was all like, "Ugggggh *plop* yeah, let's get married!" OK, that wasn't my exact reply, but you get the point.

Why won’t this asshole die already?

“Hmm. I like the idea of putting a black lady on the stamp, but something’s missing...I know! We need the words of a white lady to summarize the view of life that this amazing poet—champion wordsmith, if you will—lacked the ability to do herself.”

Not necessarily a horror story, but we thought it was funny (after being annoyed by it at first). For our honeymoon my brother's boss let us use his condo in Key West for a week free of charge. We went at the end of March and it was, as the person you'll soon read about told us, the week before spring break crowds…

Lots of little tricks to save cash. The biggest cost saver was doing the reception as a dinner cruise instead of renting a venue and getting catering. We discovered that we could book the top floor of a three floor boat that already makes regularly scheduled dinner cruises. They let us come in to custom decorate…

“I’m trying to use my 9 iron, but these darned females keep giving me wood.”

I was going to go with fuck Cruz because I would then imagine his homophobia would lead him to suicide after being sullied by a man. Kill Rand, and marry the Mighty Boosh. I figure he’s dumb and submissive enough to essentially turn into free domestic help while bankrolling my endeavors.

This is why my wife and I don't share shit with my parents unless it is happy go lucky news. Otherwise, everything from how we're raising our son to our relationship to finances to friends is simply avoided or glazed over with "it's fine." Parents can be the fucking worst when they realize you aren't living your…