I still feel like Jessica Chastain is an asshole after complaining about not being paid the exact same amount for The Martian as Matt Damon. When she was in maybe 15-20 minutes of screen time, did very little with that time, and brought no name recognition to the project since she isn’t a draw and to most people she’s…

Whenever they make a movie about this they have to hire Cara Delevingne as this girl or there’s no fucking point to it

Couldn’t landing on your ass the wrong way cost you speed when trying to slide? Diving seems way faster.

Even after an expungement, there’s still a chance it could randomly pop up on something. Places use different background check services, and some aren’t updated as often so they can still show a charge that was ultimately expunged. Service A, B, and C are expunged, but services provided by D, E and F still show it.…

The fucked up thing is that the arrest will remain on this guy’s record probably forever, costing him jobs that eliminate him in the background check process because they aren’t gonna properly investigate it.

Why? Just remove them pulling their micropenises out for a piss if the footage from that day has to be used in court.

I feel like I caught gonorrhea and a strain of HPV that causes genital warts just looking at that picture of Jeremy Piven.

I love getting drunk and going to this terrible fair they put up in a really shoddy mall parking lot in our area twice a year.

Sorry you’re going through that. About 6 weeks back my best friend went off on me over something I’d said a WEEK EARLIER instead of talking to me like a friend should, and we haven’t talked since. And honestly? Not really feeling like I need to go back to that friendship. It was toxic, now that I can look at it from…

God, he’s 53. I thought I was in super old dad territory when my third was born when I was 43. I can’t imagine being 70 when he gets outta high school. You’re getting ready to die at that age, not pay for college.

So she’s definitely not being brought on for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’s upcoming season. That was going around that she might be a new housewife back in like, what, late May? Early June?

Great, I was just thinking about trying Airbnb for the first time on a trip I’m taking to New Orleans next month, and something like this is the exact reason why I haven’t tried it before or booked one for my trip yet. I just ultimately do not like the idea of staying somewhere that the owner is near, or has keys to…

You’re a garbage person. Just stating that as simple fact.

This is the one that killed me. I was thisclose to lying on the floor needing an ambulance because I couldn’t breathe.

The Cleveland Show, American Dad, and Family Guy 3-hour block that used to (still does?) run on Adult Swim use to be a HUGE background thing for my wife and I. We’d start with The Cleveland Show obvi, smoking pot and talking, and usually sometime during American Dad we’d do foreplay for an episode and a half or so…

lol by the time my third came around I was Benadryling my children to sleep on flights, car trips, when I wanted a full night’s sleep, while wishing they made a children’s Ambien or Xanax. I came from old school parents who legit would coat our baby bottle tips in liquor to get us to fall asleep.

I kind of need this Reese Witherspoon movie in my life.

Ahh, Bjork. I remember my friend Scott and his boyfriend at the time back in the late 90s trying to get me into her, and I hated her. Flash forward to 2010 or so and my ass was paying $200 to a scalper for 2 tickets to see her in concert in D.C.

When I get in from a 12-hour nursing shift, all I want to see is Vanderpump Rules or some Housewives being assholes to each other. When I tell people this I always get this look that just screams, “Ugh, really?”

Don’t forget about Detroit: Become Human! Though it may not make it out in 2017, but there’s still hope. It looks interesting, and I did enjoy both Heavy Rain and Beyond: Two Souls, even if neither one were exactly the groundbreaking achievements the creator thinks they are,