Sometimes when I see ridiculous commercials, I try to imagine what that pitch meeting must have been like, and I feel like the phrase “protest is the new brunch” was uttered in this one.

Mr. Lockerupagus

How did this man not possess the forearm strength to lift himself out of this predictament.

And male. Just in case anyone’s vagina was thinking of getting uppity.

Jessica Alba is proving herself to be as good a businesswoman as she was an actress.

May I follow that up with a “Laughs in Disgusted New Jerseyan”.

Wallet inspector!

Next year they’ll be choosing a president.

Each story about Trump makes me want to drink myself to death more rapidly.

So they sent three immature men with anger issues to an intelligence briefing? What could possibly go wrong?

I feel like there was a real missed opportunity to deploy “Jury Booty” at least once in this post.

Speaking of Steven King, Firestarter was definitely a big influence on the show too. People seem to have forgotten that movie for some reason, but it's from that same era.

Ugh I KNOW! I would never ever ever force my guests to listen to me sing at a party ostensibly not about my music. That’s some real Jenna Maroney sh*t right there.

I want to know who the hell has matching beach towels. This is America, where we buy beach towels at Wal-Mart as an afterthought when we’re picking up ice for the cooler on our way down to the beach.

She took the photo deliberately, and edited it deliberately, and hit send deliberately. That’s not a mistake. A mistake is when you do something by accident or without intent.

It’s opening up next to Wahlburgers, isn’t it?

My first thought as well.

He probably bought her off. Which I think probably is for the best since juries aren’t trustworthy...and no matter the outcome of the trial Cosby isn’t going to spend a day in prison for what he did.

I dunno. Presumably the kid will be raised in the same environment with the same values as her and her husband, and they are both fine with it. We can’t project anything onto what the kid is gonna think. We can assume he will have some of his parents values which at this point appear to be: