If they’ll pay off my student loans, sign me the fuck up. I’d rather spend my youthful prime on a rock in Spain being a (presumably chaste, sexless) hermit than up to my eyeballs in debt.

That said, I will totally grant that nearly everybody on that side of my family is, in fact, a redneck... so much so that several of them would take that as a compliment.

Have you ever known a redneck to use the word “preface” or the term “trigger warning” and not be referring to their skin before putting on some Wet n’ Wild or referencing a gun?

Yeah, I mean, grief does crazy stuff to people, and this particular aunt is already *pretty* off-kilter.

One of my really good friends who lived in my neighborhood growing up had a magnet on his fridge with a bunch of hibiscus blossoms and the word “Aloha” on it. Every morning, I would walk to his house and hang out for a bit before he, his sister, and I would walk to school, and every morning, when I walked through the…

I’m going to parrot what a bunch of other people have said in saying that 999999/1000000, your cousin has let that shit go.

Take all my stars. All of them. Forever. Every star I star somewhere else will really be a star for this.

#teamclosedcasket

Okay, so let me preface this with a trigger warning: This story relates to the death-by-firearm-suicide of a young person, and includes some description of his body post-mortem. Just putting that out there for people who find that difficult to deal with.

I don’t know... I read that line as a send up to the fantastic shade skills developed by Southern women of every stripe. (Which, ftr, this doe-eyed midwestern girl could never keep up with)

b-b-but animals are innocent creatures who don’t deserve anything but respect and affection, but some women are just bitches who should be put in their place. </sarcasm>

Yeah, apparently people are less likely to adopt black cats, especially once they’re adults.

So, this is what my cat Razzle does when she senses I’m not in a good mood:

My mother and I were recently discussing gun rights/gun violence when she brought up that her new boyfriend owns several guns and how easy it was for him to get them, to which I immediately responded that, if things got serious between the two of them and they were to be living together whenever I get around to having…

ME TOO.

I have seen far too many perfectly lovely wedding cakes get ruined by fondant.

Okay, maybe it’s just me, but this season’s Prada is just generally really awful. Everything looks like it’s made out of fondant to me... and I am not a sponge cake.

Yeah, any SEC school, MRS degrees are a thing still...

I’ve been arguing those points for years... among many others.

It was interesting hearing Griest speak pretty emphatically (as emphatically as she did at any point) during the press conference that she would be *very* interested in actually serving in Special Operations. I cheered.