I think he wears one of these:

This is a wedding my parents went to, but it is hands down the most cringe-worthy wedding tale I know. My parents were invited to the wedding as friends of the groom's parents. The groom's family was pretty prominent in the local business community, so it was a big wedding - like at least 250+ people.

So my friend gets engaged. She is amazing— sweet, smart as hell, filthy sense of humor, eyes like luminous pools. She is mixed race and her fiance's family is super country. At the rehearsal dinner, they make lots of comments about her mixed race and stick the microphone in her face with questions like "Tell us why…

The 5 day wedding "weekend" in which the bride handed me a grocery sack and ordered me to collect 250 perfectly shaped river rocks.

nah it's a matching chrome butt plug . . .the handle curls up the crack into a fleur de lis. . . super cute !

Can't believe someone googled that? I can't believe that I already knew about the vulva-saur thing. :::facepalm:::

Envisioning dude shoving a blueberry muffin up there. Or a buttered scone. Yikes!

YEAH, BUT IS THERE MSG IN IT BECAUSE I DON'T EAT THAT

People began getting suspicious when the Yelp reviews went from 1 star to a sparkling emerald dragon.

Hey man, his noodles are dope!

At first I read "pasty" as "pastry" and I was like, "Yep, all is right here. Because of the foil."

Remember the good times when you weren't a gray? Yeah, those were AWESOME. COME AT ME, BRO!

You ask the important questions.

Perhaps an aluminum foil tentacle hooks back there?

Zhang's Noodles: OpiYUM!

ugh dude it still manages to be so qt

dang. what the heck!

change it to 'vulvasaur'?

Do Benjamin Skanklin!