Possibly the funniest thing I've seen this month, all thanks to One Direction.

I don't have a question, I just wanted to thank you for getting me into reading as a kid. When I was a child I read every single Goosebumps book, was a member of the fan club, and generally thought they were the coolest thing ever. I even opted to do my 6th grade "favorite author" presentation on you. You're the best,…

If he's trying to ward off pedophiles, the bright pink shirt with her age on it and the Dora backpack are probably not working as intended.

Supernatural? Evil prophecies? Is this real life?

We're tired of wasting our superpowered boy brains on dumb girl stuff, but we also want girls to be hot. If we get the girls make all the beauty stuff, we'll be able to focus all our efforts on the real problems in the world, like erectile dysfunction and male pattern baldness. Plus this will get all the damn…

Sad to see you go, but I'm glad you're doing something new and cool as well. Fair winds and following seas!

I don't doubt it in the slightest. I remember reading this story on snopes ages ago and it triggering me to research everything I could on dead bodies accidentally ending up in things we consume because I enjoy creeping myself out.

I think the real question here is, did they throw out the batch of wine goo she fell in? Because I bet having at least some remnants of a dead politician in it is going to make it a highly desirable vintage 30 years from now.

Research consistently shows that what people say they want in a partner has virtually no bearing on who they actually choose to date in a laboratory setting.

HAHA PEE OUT THEIR BUTTS. WHAT AN IDIOT. Everyone knows girls don't pee or poop. This guy needs to get a clue.

I'm doing a 3 person group themed costume outing this year, of which I am the obvious 3rd wheel. My couple friends are going out as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell, and I'll be tagging along as Captain Hook. I'd feel sad and awkward about it if I hadn't been trying to get my friends to do a group costume for like 10 years.

I don't know if it really counts as a parlor game, since it can only really be played once (though it can take ages for some people to get it), but we used to play a game called What's in the Green Room? when we went on field ops with new people. Basically, the person who initiates the game gives examples of 1 thing…

Plus, she's a fighter pilot so her boobs aren't even on the ground. So it's not funny and it doesn't even make sense. Sounds like Fox news, I guess.

SpongeBob is brainwashing our kids into watching pornography, it is evil and just another tool in the Devil's arsenal used to turn our children away from the righteous path.

"No, we can't go over $100 million, that'd be too suspicious. Keep it in the 9os and we'll be fine."

I'm sorry, Yelena, I'm afraid I can't let you leave the shower without properly conditioning.

I'm coming for you, Mr. Shrayber. You're on notice.

How else am I going to become a Jezebel writer?

Does he put a pasty over his sphincter or does the butt just get 0 coverage?

My curiosity got the best of me. There's nothing really. All I got was a recipe for a drink called Vulva: