“Is that Engel in the outfield? I loved that movie! It starred Jordan Gordy Leadfoot and Gossimer Floyd!” - Emmitt Smith

I don’t want to seem harsh, but if you’re poisoned by mushrooms after taking foraging advice from an instagram influencer, maybe that’s just nature’s way of thinning the herd.

“I’m an Instagram Influencer and my husband is a chalk artist. Our budget is $1.5 million” - This week on House Hunters. 

“...raw chocolate-dipped raw mushrooms...”

Man, that’s the pits, what a wreck. This would be a good time for him to take stock of his life. When life throws you a left turn, lean in to it but use caution. He can bank on a court-ordered recovery program. It’ll be a long road but I’m sure he’ll make it to the finishline though success won’t just land in his lap.…

Yeah, but it was in the Hamptons- not many actual human beings there anymore- just pod people that use collagen and thumping EDM beats for sustenance....

I said he munsoned the mount, not the landing.

“Actually, there’s still no concrete evidence that Coach Meyer was directly told about any of this. The bottom line is, we need better parenting.”
- Ed Werder, probably

Joseph headed for home with the same body control Jameis Winston shows getting into an uber.

To paraphrase Jerry Tarkanian:

As long as the sheets are straight, the meatloaf is warm, and the carpets are cleaned I’m sure Mrs. Meyer is fine.

This was my first thought on watching the video. Highly unsettling. 

They’re going to need a bigger stroller...

Gaviria, Greipel, Groenewegen and Cavendish all abandoned the race and went home early. Craddock made the time cutoffs with a fractured shoulder blade and finished in Paris. Legit hard man stuff. 

TRASH, WORST, AWFUL, LOUSY, SORRY, BROKE

But shit only has 4 letters....