“Anal Fancy” sounds like a porn mag from the 1950’s.

A+ trolling

Blue gives her a run for her money.

I have it on very good authority from Strawberry Shortcake that Blueberry Muffin’s vagina* does, in fact, taste like blueberry.

I can’t be the only one who, when someone mentions the 90s, thinks it was only ten years ago. And then I redo the math and am like

Yeah, I immediately starting singing Alice’s Restaurant.

My neighbor’s name is Arlo. He’s a 70 year old Swiss man who sells tractors. I think it’s perfectly appropriate for an old man or an insurance company, not so much for a baby. I don’t like name trends, especially this one of naming everyone an old man’s name. It’s going to peak and die quickly, so there’ll be 4 years…

Ravenclaw all the way.

GUYS! I haven’t smoked since MONDAY and I’m so excited, and proud of myself, and I want to shout it from the goddamn rooftops I’m so proud of myself. Ahhh.

As promised, I am reporting back on my friends’ wedding, aka the first wedding I have ever been to, aka social anxiety hell, aka aaaah my ex-boyfriend will be there, aka aaaah my former best friend who hates me a bit will be there, aka aaaah how do I high heels.

It was fine. It was completely fine. Everyone who told…

I got this. You can all huddle in my bunker and I’ll lead you to salvation... Or to Swiss Chalet for a Quarter Chicken Dinner (extra sauce, even!) if it turns out to be a false super blood moon alarm.

Frankly, it’s about damn time. Give the next round of evolution a shot to not fuck up as badly as we don’ goofed.

“Daddio.” More symmetry. And it’s a thing people said. In 1950. Where he’s from.

How about replying things like “ you got it, daddy-o”.

Don’t be stupid, be a smarty, let us cater your Nazi party.