Yeah, I’ve jerked off to your present girlfriend dozens of times.

This just proves to me that Mark Wahlberg has no concept of time. Or stares at walls blankly, which I imagine him doing a lot.

Oh man that look when his dead eyes get live with panic is just...delicious. I could snack on that all day.

You can see the guy’s white-collar career flash before his eyes the moment he realizes he’s been caught on video screaming racial epithets.  

More like Ryan Pickzpatrick, amirite?

there’s really no precedent for this type of performance from ryan...as long as you ignore every season he’s played for any team ever.

Looks like we’re gonna have another player retire at half time.

THE 49ers: “Don’t worry—we know exactly who you’re talking about and we’re already on it”

I’d trade an ACL for an off season cavorting with porn stars.

Gritty is the love child of Trump and the Babadook.

What’s the difference between Gritty and Donald Trump?

The thing that adds to the weirdness, or maybe, driving the weirdness, is that no one over age 24 has grown up rooting for the Nationals. All those weirdo conservative elites decided, as adults with presumably existing baseball allegiances, chose to get obsessed about the Nats because they’re old white people who…

I’m 34, and my brother is 27. His whole life, Brady and Belichick have been virtually unimpeachable. I was texting with him last night in the first half, saying this team looks very bad, and if this is how they are for the year, this is going to be a bad season. He responded with the typical refrain of “You don’t…

At least the Republicans have never claimed to be the party of morality, law & order or fiscal responsibility.

These shirts serve an important role in society: They easily identify people you should avoid talking to at all costs.

it would be now and to the Browns.

Way to fuck up the Browns draft position, Mayfield.

Of course, Mayfield was playing against the Jets, and if you were going to bet on any team in football to be on the wrong end of Cleveland’s first win in 635 days, you would’ve picked the Jets.

My immediate takeaway from the Jets losing to the Browns is that the Lions must be even worse than their crushing loss to the Jets made them look.

Baker Mayfield is everything people thought Manziel was going to be. I’m ok with that.