My partner painted his face to see his favourite (...Viking...) metal band, and the red pain would not come off. I laughed at him for days as he had to serve customers in his retail job and act serious on skype in his freelance job, all with red stripes on his face.

Jesus, those vocals on TayTay are pretty dire.

Back when I worked for my state government, there was a poster in the mail room about what to do if you found any suspicious powder in the mail. The first thing was don’t panic, and then don’t smell or taste the powder. What kind of idiot sees a white powder in an envelope sent to the state tax department and says to…

I once knew a Catholic family who referred to their kids as Leaky, Sneaky, and the Rhythm Twins.
Your move, Reynolds.

This isn’t strategic. This is a narcissist striking back at an enemy (Obama’s remarks must have cut him real deep). Avenging his ego is vastly more important to him than running an effective campaign.

This is kinda like that time my ex brought my ex best friend that he fucked while we were married as his date to a wedding where we were both mutual guests. But worse?

What happened? SNL was actually funny and entertaining for 90 minutes last night. This hasn’t happened since Tina Fey was head writer 10 years ago.

Trump will next criticize Clinton’s ill-fitting suits, her inexplicably orange skin, her tendency to loom over people, and her terrible comb-over. “I hear she just reaches out and grabs people by the pussy, is what I hear” reports Trump.

Or she’s being paid. That definitely seems like the most likely option to me.

Oh, Lindsay. I’m not even sure Lacey Chabert would give you the time of day, let alone Rachel McAdams. I hope Lacey’s working on the Party of Five reunion, though. Let’s make that happen.

Hate to burst your bubble:

I don’t know. As far as I’m concerned, there’s only one person that can play Jackie Jormp-Jomp...

Getting tackled by a girl is nothing to be ashamed of. Now getting tackled by a kicker...

Same. All sorts of red flags...

They drafted women in the 60's???

Yeah, I mean why would anyone be afraid of being shot at. They should have just let the kid keep shooting because, after all, their training will magically keep bullets from piercing their bodies.

Gosh darn that guy reporting vandalism of a historical building. Such an asshole.

You guys, I don’t think the Martha and Snoop friendship is a fake marketing thing. I think it is real. And I’m not mad about it. But yet I’m confused.

In NYC and other large cities of course they are. That’s like making $60-$70K in other parts of the country.

A+++++++ gif deployment.