Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is my accent.

Don’t worry about it. Taylor can’t write that way either; she just saw Beyoncé do it once and is trying her best to copy it.

And Ted Cruz was born in Canada. In both cases, though, that doesn’t matter. Duckworth’s father was American, and as such, she is a natural born US citizen regardless of where she was actually born. So, she meets the constitutional requirements to run for president.

The only circumstance under which this would be acceptable is if he’s going solely based on what his mama said...

When a southerner uses racism elsewhere to justify racism in the south, that is total bullshit. That being said, I’ve also seen non-southerners attempt to blame all racism on the south, and I happen to think that’s also bullshit. The south does bear a special responsibility for these issues (and pretending it doesn’t…

There you go: The stupidest thing I’ve heard all day (although the day is young).

I get the feeling that racism, for Trump, is a bit like incest: he doesn’t really seem to get why it’s terrible, he regularly makes statements suggesting he’s okay with it, and he would probably try to engage in it actively if it weren’t for the negative PR and the general condemnation of society that would result.

Yeah, but remember... we’re talking about the Mooch. Someone who is willing to peddle Trump’s BS as “like 100% true, whaadaya mean someone says it ain’t” would totally offer to “pay” off your debt and “buy” you an apartment, but regardless of anything else, I’m not sure that’s a bet worth taking, even in total fucking…

Damn, why didn’t I check my missed calls today? I’m sure there must be one there since I, myself, am a “victim” of Obamacare since it allowed me to get insurance before a trip to the emergency room that would have cost more than my total net worth at the time. I’ll make sure to check those and call back because I’m…

(Also- hell of a name you got there. Dale Gribble-approved).

As a boy, I watched Alien when I was a bit too young, and it TERRIFIED me. (FYI Not my parents’ fault; I snuck down to watch TV after they went to bed.) Anyway, the thing that got me over being afraid of it was thinking that, one day, I might be as brave as Ripley. I think I even asked if I could dress up as Ripley…

“But, she’s got two tits... How can I identify with that kind of anatomy?”

I know you’re aren’t; I’ve seen it. The thing that kinda worries me is that at some point, we might see him start delivering more carefully composed speeches and more coherent interviews (albeit a bit more slowly and intentionally). His supporters and conservative commentators will hail it as a sign he’s finally…

It’s really your fault; a punster always pays his debts.

Normally, I love a good pun, but on this occasion, I’m a bit hesitant to jump into the frey.

“The FAKE NEWS keeps asking if I have Alzheimers... I have ALL the Zheimers. I have the BEST Zheimers and going to use them to #MAGA”

What, was the Secretary of State, the Deputy Secretary of State, the Ambassador to the UN, the Vice President, the National Security Advisor, Trump’s bodyguard and the mailman all occupied?

Wait... white nationalists decided to protest with tiki-torches? So, we’re supposed to be buying into an ideology of the inherent superiority of white men who have to go out and buy torches from Walmart, which were probably manufactured in China and made off a design aesthetic that was appropriated from Polynesian…

Excluded excerpt from interview:

This really can’t be emphasized enough. All the states trying to defund Planned Parenthood and/or close abortion providers keep trying the sales pitch that their real concern is women’s health. The more people see that it isn’t just about abortion or politics but about what a bunch of wealthy white guys think should…