On the other hand, I’m naming my metal band Human Disposal System.

“There will always be soulless brutes who buy, gut and sell things, and die as they lived, without value or memories. May their demises be slow, painful and filled with screams only they can hear.” 

though none will be found beneath this moron’s byline

 Rey Ratto

Ray, as always, bringing the goods. I hope you get another full-time gig soon, although I really look forward to your stuff here.

What an athletic response that was!

Minshew is an anagram for "Wins? Meh."

Confused and angered by their departure from the natural order, Humphrey was determined to see the Browns choke.

Hey, if there’s one thing you can’t criticize ol Donny for, it’s leading with his head. 

“I probably would have gone to jail and I knew I didn’t have the money for bail. But I still remember those real allies to this day, for another reason:

Actually Ramsey didn’t. The Lyin’ media would have you think he did, but actually he did not! In fact, lots of people, and I know smart people. Tough people too. Some of the tou-some of the smartest people I know. Smart people, tough as nails. You don’t jus-You don’t just want a tough guy you know? They gotta be smart…

“dribbling is cool”

Obviously and of course it is good that victims who have traditionally been ignored are getting more attention now (not to say that particular problem is “fixed”, but it’s certainly more visible, which is great).

I also call my circulatory system the “police station,” because it is statistically very likely to kill a young man of color.

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

You didn’t see it?  The THING in the darkness?  Lurking, hungering waiting?  You had to have seen it!  It waits for us all, at the end, I think.  There in the darkness as the life drains from us, it uses the games as its way of hurrying us all forward.  The snacks, the booze, the anger, it’s all part of its plan! …

Lions-Cardinals is inspired by the well-known maxim that when two awful people get married it’s a good thing, since that way only two people are miserable instead of four.

Counterpoint: The modern Goodell NFL is the equivalent of those commemorative, limited-edition, Bud Light NFL cans.

When I say stop caring about “it” I’m saying that holistically.

I mean, c’mon guys. If a sports league stresses you out, makes you tired, unhappy or causes you to grapple with an existential crisis, then you don’t have to stop watching it altogether but you can stop caring about it.