Then whose skull did I buy on ebay??

He’s the new Abe Vigoda

Is it possible to also set this entire show on fire with a crock pot?

And next up with have Jen. Jen decided to dress in a suit because she’s a little extra hungover today. You’ll notice the eyeliner is a little more heavy today and also haphazardly applied. Her talent will be eating a full pizza in about 5 minutes after already consuming 3 donuts before getting on stage.

From a Venn diagram point of view, the intersection of the group A) Beauty Pageants Should Be A Thing, and B) Sexual Harassment Should Not Be A Thing, is exceedingly small, and might in fact only include Gretchen Carlson. If you add group C) Racism Is Still A Thing And Needs To Stop, the intersection becomes the null…

Creme snug rug is too fancy. Dog-hair covered leggings speckled with bleach stains.

“Boy, there’s nothing I like more than a big ol’ bottle of sugar cookie vodka,” said the alcoholic nine year old.

In the end, we all want a strong, relevant Miss America

I did this last January at the suggestion of my GP. She basically said that for someone who drinks like I do, which is excessively on the weekends, it’s not a bad idea to see if this is something that you CAN do. I was also looking to drop weight and by simply not drinking alcohol, I was able to lose 15 lbs in one…

Yep, that’s the way the capitalist cookie crumbles! If you wanna go mainstream, you gotta scale, and scaling to meet market demand always means Big [Insert Product Name Here]. The Big Pot lobbyists will take up their usual positions outside congresspeople’s doorways. Big Pot advertising has already gotten its tacky…

TRUE STORY: I work in Rock Center but NOT for NBC and a colleague of mine had a broken leg. One day she was struggling down the street on crutches past 30 Rock and Hoda walked out to get in her black car. Hoda did NOT know my colleague, but because Hoda is a dream, she gave my colleague her black car and told it to…

To paraphrase: Who is the bigger idiot? The idiot or the 63 million idiots who voted for him?

Carson Daly is still around? He must be senior maintenance engineer by now. Good for him.

That van has too many windows, and where’s the river?

Kotb, like Lester Holt, forced NBC to admit that they were way better than the trash ass white men who they covered for when those fools were dismissed or banished to the late night slot before Lockup on MSNBC. No one liked Matt Lauer, yet he kept getting paid and dragging Today Show down in the ratings and it took…

The people have little food, big inflation and no human rights. The U.S. is watching!

When it comes to racist democrats, most of them were ‘with her.’

Hey Gizmodo Media. Maybe collect these and more into a cookbook and donate the proceeds to immigrant rights orgs\refugee orgs or the like?