“I speak Jive” doesn’t make you cringe? 

I just wanted to know which one is Lindsay Lohan.

Yes, I’m in the exact same situation. 

I agree with your grandfather. Soup is for sick people only. Every time I was offered soup at a meal, I would think, “Do I really look that bad?” 

That strategy only works for Trump. 

His Facebook page is public and a treasure trove! Not only is he a Trump supporter (obviously), but this comment has aged well:

What a bizarre allegation to make with no evidence at all. “There’s something off about that guy” without saying what, and then just casually meander into “serial rapist.” It’s not only unfair to him, but trivializes a bunch of sexual assaults and their victims. And to accomplish what?

I’m not up on all the latest kids’ fads, but I am old enough to know that when your whole marriage is based on a tequila bender, it’s not gonna last once the hangover starts. 

Fatty Arbuckle?

The police are empowered to do pretty invasive investigations. That’s why they have to get search warrants and such.

Sucker!

Anybody who isn’t exactly like me must need mental help! Also why don’t I have any real friends? Oh well, back to 4chan.

If you did this online with three of your best friends, it would probably be a great experience, and hilarious to the four of you. But why would anyone share it with others?

A game: The year is 2028. Trump has won a second term, and after the Supreme Court has ruled his “Twunny-Nynth Consitootionle Amenmeant” to be legal despite not being ratified by anyone and written in crayon, has now won a third term. Michelle Obama finally yields to the people who have been asking her to run for…

Acts like an intellectual who’s above it all? Check.

“Both the left and the right”

Yes. I just watched it last night. 

Amazon sucks. I placed an order last week, and they said the delivery date would be May 15. Canceled it and placed the same order with Target, who said delivery date would be April 15. (And it came April 11! Thanks USPS.)

This article is way more SFW than I thought when I clicked on it. 

A long time ago, I rented the original FFVII on the Playstation. It starts with some kind of boss battle, which I lost. (I later read on some forum that you can’t possibly lose this battle.) I packed it up and mailed it back a few minutes later.