Fucking leave. There’s your Seattle tip.

Don’t come here if you are working for Amazon or any other tech company. Seriously, we are on the verge of hanging newcomers in public executions. Y’all made our rents double. Y’all made the traffic unbearable. Y’all then sit around and bitch about how you can’t make friends here and that the “Seattle Freeze” is…

One can only hope.

Excuse me, but there’s only one breakfast worth having.

Would finally watch their stupid show for this.

I moved on the Justice Department like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. It had all those checks and balances. Then all of a sudden I see lady justice, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.

Obviously this is material suited for an adult audience. I can tell because it has an exxon it.

COTD!

Well, since no one else is going to ask the important questions...

I would say, tho, that this is the only scenario where I could see us finally switching to renewable energy sources. Every dude I know would do absolutely anything to not know about menstruation.

It dings when there’s stuff.

He’d never eat a clam without Mother there.

Oh Girl, I’d be happy for just the hot cocoa.

Nah, they’d never use that filthy French word.

The Princess America needs in 2017

That’s another really great idea!

Awkafina actually has a little bit in common with Aquafina.

You’re a genius

All she has to do is remember what he told her in the space capsule.

They probably got the same facelift from the catalog.