This is heartbreaking so instead I will pretend this article was about what I first thought upon reading the headline, which is: a schnauzer who is 81 years old and also a queen.

The crime these children committed was pretty straight foward. Being black.

Picture taken with someone she never met before at Katy perry’ s 25 birthday party... ask Katy who her friends are.

Boom! Roasted.

I misread your first comment as some “women ain’t got it tough cause soldiers” bullshit. Sorry about that.

Headline in alternate universe:

Man, right now...I don’t even care about that last one. My sinuses are acting up and I didn’t get enough sleep. Gotta go sometime...

Well Trump really is our first transgender president — he’s a pussy who regularly acts like a dick.

Air Assault!

You just know she ran right out and got a $10,000 Tiffany’s frame to display it in her extremely twee apartment.

Feature trans actors in trans roles.

No. Shoo, old man.

Like instead of a wacky guy in a trench coat, maybe: your boss! That police officer? Your good friend.

How fitting that he’s the first one fleeing in this brilliant Youtube video. From Russia, with love!

There’s probably not much they can do about the rats and roaches. General Kelly uses them to identify leakers and saboteurs; he claims that he can communicate with them telepathically and see through their eyes, enabling him to monitor everyone and everything in the WH without creating subpoena-able audio or video…

Don’t worry, he’ll launch his own magazine, so that he can name himself Person of the Year every month. It will be called THIRST. Look for it on newsstands nowhere (we all know that motherfucker can’t read anyway).

Oddly something in me just snapped and I started doing the same. I was a prolific Amazon shopper

Prepare for the onslaught of loyal Amazon tech worker commenters spouting #notjustamazon #amazonactuallyhelpsseattle b.s. in 3-2-1...

I would imagine that any artist that wants to sell a lot of albums and thus end up selling more tour tickets and merch etc etc would release songs anywhere they could to try to increase their popularity. This seems like smart business to me? Idk, I can’t hate T.S. the way Jez wants me to and see everything she does as…

Now that Alabama is set to make a pedophile a senator, this whole pee tape thing seems kinda quaint.