Needs more Katy Perry.

I did not know Justin Bieber moved to Talladega, Alabama.

Just don’t try shorts for men, or you’ll have the animated corpse of Choire Sicha to deal with.

The Beyoncé witch thing is totally true, and if by some random chance she comes in contact with Taylor Swift, there will be a chain reaction leading to a massive explosion. If you’re at a concert and start seeing Cherenkov radiation, get out immediately.

Nixon Now.

Cinnamon raisin bagel, a fried egg, cheddar cheese slice and two bacon slices or a ham slice for the win.  Lox instead of bacon in Seattle.  Done.

Taylor Swift will be pleased.

Taylor Swift, the new Queen of Soul.

I’m disappointed. I expected vivid descriptions of crossing the River Styx and tales of her encounters with Cerberus, the three-headed dog guarding the Oval.

Guy du Fou sounds like someone who would lead an attack on the British crown.

Keith Ellison is cute in the same way that Nutria are cute.

Nutria are cute in the same way Barron Trump is cute.

No.  We’re already ruled by insects, I don’t have to eat them.

We need a Space Force to patrol the vast space between Donald Trump’s ears.

“Saltine Cracker” centrism might not win elections, but nothing can withstand the power of “Graham Cracker” centrism.

Before he leaves office, Ryan will ensure that Trump is appointed Reichskanzler.

It looks like a loaf full of gigantic maggots.

Splenda is for the elite.

Not a surprising development now that Lucifer has been cancelled.

The size that Taylor Swift makes for you.