Call me when Taylor Swift gets arrested.

I miss the Bake Off!

Since corporations are people, I’ve decided I want to marry Big Machine Records LLC.

I’d be satisfied with a cup of hot chocolate and a snickerdoodle.

Sell! Sell! Sell!

“Veritable fuckton of cookie.”

Well, Trump won’t be able to take Baron with him when he reports to prison.

I hope Trump is also tried as an adult.

Take four and twenty of those birds and bake them into a pie for the homeless.

Let’s put Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss in a giant bell jar and see what happens.

Mickey Mouse cartoon!

Quelle surprise!

Sounds a lot quicker than transition was, I can tell you that.

It’s been used to prop up Italian governments so often over the years, it’s no wonder it’s looking a little threadbare.

His quest for love isn’t finding much.

Congratulations to a lucky couple. It’s about time these poor kids got a break.

Mars Williams however was detained on a harassment charge.

Then why am I still grey?

I wonder how many dudebros will try to sleep with her when she’s a teenager because they’ll just try to add 24?

Piccadilly Square is not amused. Dilly dilly.