So that’s what cocaine smells like.

If he survives, Trump will appoint him as the new Director of NASA.

Why doesn’t Trump do something useful, like eliminate the highly-abused H1B program?

When are these hobo spiders going to learn that they have to work for a living.

Sorry, Charlie. Women want bosses with good taste, not bosses who taste good.

Lolcait is a dude. If that’s not harassment, I don’t know what is.

But, I could wake up tomorrow as Katy Perry. Anything is possible, right?

Courts can jump up and down and hold their breath until they turn blue too. Doesn’t mean they will.

Not ecclesiastical law.

The Apostolic Signatura has no standing or influence in any court in the United States, so good luck with that.

Well, that’s the last straw. I’m having ham for Thanksgiving.

I know I’ll never write for Lena Dunham again.

I volunteer as Tribute!

I’ve sniffed out smelly traps set by the dogs, on the lawn and on the sidewalk.

Have you not heard of the Great Northwest Sky Penis Festival, held in Spokane every January, clear skies permitting? It’s glorious.

There is almost not a single sunny day between November and March, with seemingly endless rain. It’s surprising that instead of coffee, they aren’t addicted to hot and cold running cocaine, but they are not.

I have Starbucks about once a month, but I’ll be going there shortly to get one of these amazing cups. Unfortunately for Starbucks, Seattle has a plethora of better coffee options, but still, it’s worth a trip.

I couldn’t care two Renminbi about this.

I heard it was the worst, so I haven’t seen it.

To think that Hillary Clinton was such a flawed and ignoble candidate that we have this fetid infectious decomposing pillar of orange fungus as President of the United States. It boggles the mind.