Shouldn’t you be waxing poetic about the weather? What happened to that?

HamNo can fuck off, though.

Would you have sex with Tim Kaine’s son?

The men are not chopping wood. They’re guzzling beer, smoking dope, watching ESPN, and masturbating to photos of Ivanka Trump.

If building the wall is the price we have to pay to get rid of the TSA, then I say, start building!

World War II

John Kelly, you are as big a Nazi piece of shit as the other 30,000 Marines who look at naked photos of female Marines and comment about them on a secret Facebook group. Do you really think the American people are going to put up with splitting up mothers and children at immigration centers? How the fuck you got a…

The right to own weapons is the right to be free.

By now she’s learned that the slot machines in the Ladies’ room don’t pay off.

Wheelchairs are for closers.

Tom Hiddleston failed to drive Taylor Swift into the arms of Karlie Kloss, so yes, he’s a failure.

 Biologists and scientists will respond with equal glee when the trove of Charlie Sheen’s used condoms is discovered by Homeland Security.

When I pointed this out to Community Chest the Rapper, he awarded me $10 for second prize in a beauty contest.

These people are just trying to sneak through Immigration.

He needs a valet, like the Earl of Grantham. Maybe a dashing Sikh.

Can a transgender woman and a Trump supporter live happily ever after?

Looks like Sessions is getting into a bit of a jam.

Alex Pareene! How are you?

No one is beyond redemption, except Nick Denton.

They’re the same color to a dog, maybe.