Great, now I can’t feel my fingers pulling this hottest of takes from the oven. Thanks for nothing.

Ha ha- “yuuuge” wink, “yuuuge” wink. Heh.

I’m sensing a lot of hovering over the publish button out there.

Hipster newborns are the worst.

“We prefer ‘philanthropy’,” - Guggenheim Baseball Management

Forgot to turn in your key card, I see. Kudos

Wow that bullet could’ve gone any direction. The tree of freedumb is thankfully sometimes watered with the blood of idiots.

“Idiot free gunstore” is the unicorn we all need. What we got, we didn't deserve.

“Good night, Ms. NotVogel, wherever you are- hachachachacha!”

Ya hear that, mango? [jerks thumb] back o’ tha line

“We hate hockey now, Dad!” -the Wallock brats cheerily, ten minutes later

A perfectly ripe peach or nectarine in deepest summer has to be the pinnacle of fruit enjoyment. A mango comes in after because they are so bloody hard to peel, and that fibrous core is just impossible.

I like that the announcer reveals the name of the dad, just in case somebody from CPS is watching. That, and that the outfield ball boy doesn’t reward bad (and incompetent!) behavior by giving him the ball.

Maybe there’s a decent man somewhere in there, and all this toad needed was a kiss from a princess. No wonder he’s so bitter, trapped in his amphibian countenance.

Jesus Christ, Lenny Kravitz should sue.

Imagine if more theaters had picked it up. I was surprised that this highly anticipated movie wasn’t in more theaters here in whitey-white Seattle. Even though maybe I shouldn’t be, come to think of it. I just hope I can stop from singing along, when I finally go. Better go sober :(

I get the feeling that wouldbe racist white shooters would generally stay away from a theater full of possibly strapped gangsta rap enthusiasts. A Straight Outta Compton theater: the safest place in Amerikkka. Who knew.

Huh. Hmm...

Fireball is the Kardashian of spirits, with its millions of attendant enablers. It's the liquor we deserve.

Do you feel it yet? It’s been about half an hour, so I’m thinking any time now...better take a little more just to be safe...