We went full cheapo with our videographer — handed a camcorder to a good friend and told him to go wild. A full thirty minutes of it is a turtle in a pond, sitting on a rock, and dragonflies flitting around and our friend going, “ooooh, coooool.” (Apparently he got bored before the ceremony and just a bit after.) To…

I thought the same thing. It’s just a bodily secretion. I don’t dramatically declare that an intimate piece of me has been taken every time the doctor takes a blood sample or a pee sample.

The response I have formulated after 9+ years of being asked when we are going to “give” our daughter a sibling: “After three miscarriages it became apparent that my uterus is for decorative purposes only. But thanks for reminding me about the most painful and heart-wrenching experience I’ve ever had while also…

Things I would prefer BEFORE I prefer thinner Oreos:

I once shorted a man a nickel, you would’ve thought I just ran over his grandchildren with a car made out of Matlock episodes.

True story. I was at a fundraising event, seated next to people I didn’t know. I struck up a conversation with the gentleman next to me who ended up being a political staffer. He asked me about my field, and then interrupted me to say, “Oy! I read an article about that the other day. The article said that.....” and…

That’s just standard these days. The same people who complain that some group [lefties, women, “SJWs”, whatever] needs to grow a pair whenever someone makes a joke about raping them and hacking off their heads are the first to complain that it’s not fair to be “attacked” by Last Week Tonight.

No, he won’t wonder. They won’t want anything to do with him because they are ungrateful assholes whose minds have been poisoned by their bitch mothers. (In his mind, of course.)

And people are still blaming what happened to those innocent people on mental illness. White people must be humanized at all costs. Notice that when the police found him, they gave him a vest and didn’t handcuff him. The life of a white man who kills black people has value but the life of a black child who holds a…

Okay, as someone with a high breast cancer risk: fuck these people with the business end of a dirty grill brush.

They don’t visit the comments section so much as permanently live there. There seems to be nothing we can do about it.

Mark, I agree with every damn word of this article, which is not something I always say about your stuff. Breast cancer patient RIGHT here, used to have a fantastic rack. Not even a tiny bit charmed by this thinly-veiled BonerQuest dressed up like cancer awareness.

This seems like a pretty big middle finger to women who have had masectomies. Also, was the ALS ice bucket thing an excuse to show off our bodies? Because most of the bodies I saw doing that were NOT sexy.

Can’t do it. I only have one tit. Thanks, cancer!

If you think about it, any story about food is the beginning of a poop story.

and if we DO have them, totally unsexy and boooorrrinngg! nothing so boring and unremarkable as motherhood, right ladies?

This is really depressing because, a lot of it comes down to this: Men having feelings is still seen as deep and unusual while a woman having them is expected. It’s not seen as groundbreaking or in any way above the norm to write a woman’s emotional journey through anything while a guy’s is considered to have more…

My mom said they knew I had it when I was a baby because back then they still made onesies with metal snaps. I would get little round rashes all around snap areas. Gross and weepy even then.

2 things: 1) who really thinks they can keep anything a secret on the internet any more?! 2) Seriously Penn State...just a suspension?! You should immediately revoke their status as a fraternity on your campus!