He always seem high to me, even when he is acting.

“I’m sorry...that I didn’t think about how my comments would affect my sales.”

I have a couple very vocal Dump supporters on my facebook who have been more than happy to get all twisted up over the NFL, Eminem and how the fake news is just soooooooooooo mean to him. Yet they’ve all become oddly silent over his defunding the ACA. The optimistic part of me wants to believe that they are seeing the…

“Don’t make a scene!” Translation: “Don’t let others become aware of my shortcomings in public!”

Take no joy in anyone getting hurt, especially a talent like OBJ. I love that guy.

Thankfully we can take unlimited glee in the phrase “the 0-5 New York Giants” instead
Fuck you, Eli.

Only other thing I remember is that the meatloaf had the brown/gray sauce. INCORRECT. I was not pleased. (Tomato-based sauce on meatloaf only.) Sorry I can’t offer more!

Krampus !!!!!!!

Well I hate to say it but Megyn Kelly was right. Santa is just white. Most piles of bones are.

Yeah, I have Brit-man Siri, and have never once regretted my choice even as he stupidly mispronounces street names.

She seems great. You should hire her to replace Jane Marie’s horrible advice column.

Doesn’t it look like Mermaid eyeshadows we’ve got already? What a perfect glazed aqua it is. Love it too.

BACK IN MY DAY WE SUCKED ON WET SPONGES STRUNG AROUND OUR NECKS AND RESOAKED THEM WITH OUR TEARS

Darling Girl Cosmetics. There’s also a La Llarona eyeshadow. Here’s the whole Halloween collection (a mix of urban legends and mythology):

I keep hearing about the magic of In-N-Out. So, I tried it on a trip to San Diego several years ago. It was....okay... Earlier this week I tried again while in Vegas. While I liked it better than my first time, I’m still not calling it the best burger I’ve ever eaten.

He will simply reappear at th end of the contest and destroy it all, making all of our votes meaningless insignificances.

True true. But they can pry my hot tub from my overly heated pruney hands. I’m just not letting anyone else get in because they’ll mess up the perfect water chemistry.

How great would it be if the first letter of each paragraph spelled out F-U-C-K-Y-O-U?

Okay, I actually am in a polyamorous relationship, and have been since about 2001, and I can tell MVP that there’s actually a term for the bullshit her boyfriend is pulling. It’s called “Relationship Broken? Add More People!”, and it refers specifically to the kind of person who thinks that polyamory is a solution to…

It wouldn’t be a true Trump experience if someone wasn’t getting stiffed for work they did.