Listen, I don’t a woman’s vaginal secretions touching my godly penis after it’s been washed.

I never believed they were a real religion until the child/sexual abuse allegations surfaced.

A male feminist walks into a bar

“The president weighed in just as any father would based on the limited information that he had.”

The highlight of my day now is poring over the Barf Bag “some tweets the President was allowed to publish” section to find what I like to call the daily “Code 45*”. You discover this coded message by finding all the words that earned an exclamation point in Trump’s daily Tweet pile. Sometimes the message comes out…

Looks like Justin Bieber’s journey to “rededicate his life to Christ” has hit a bump.

Trump doesn’t give a shit about what nuns think. In his mind they’re all just broads who were too ugly to find a husband.

People say the most awful things to people with cancer. Well, they say the most awful things all the time to everyone, but you really notice it when you’re covered in scabs from chemo injections. A friend of mine looked me deeply in the eyes and asked, “What have you done to bring this into your life?” I told her I…

What pisses me off most about President Dipshit inserting himself in this story is that per his proposed healthcare reform, the children suffering like that here at home would be left to die while their parents are saddled with a copious amount of medical debt.

I have had so many convos with friends that go like this:

Woman friend: Did you see Wonder Woman? Wasn’t it great? It’s doing so well and I’m really happy about that because I’d love to see a sequel!
Other woman friend: Yes, I loved it! I’m taking (other woman or girl) to see it too.
Dude: It really wasn’t that great,…

Semi related, I just found out my childhood home was recently knocked down to make way for, you guessed it, a McMansion.

IANAD, but:

So Mathers basically did this

Have you ever seen a grimmer batch of faces in your life? They look like they’re going to spend five hours at a college graduation ceremony where they don’t even know any of the matriculators. Hee hee hee.

High school me would just have just said fuck it and chucked the bra. If you thought the straps were distracting wait until you see these G’s sway.

I’m sure Donald was really concerned about Sasha and Malia’s emotional well being when he was peddling his birther bullshit for eight years.

Gee, I wonder if the dude who she had sex with was banned as well?

He is literally everything the GOP claims to hate.

Jesus, there is no end to the grift trump is running. I’m exhausted thinking about it. How is it possible that he still has an 80% approval rating among his base?

We’d really waste less time if we simply required Kislyak to note all of the American politicians with whom he has met. All on one list, yo!