I'm glad that Michael Sheen is included, because he is an eternal delight. (Has anyone ever seen him goofing off on Craig Ferguson's show?) But is the actual People's Sexiest Sexy Sex list as full of white dudes as the article graphic?

"To us, cheap ass liquor was like golden liquid inside a diamond encrusted bottle. Who wouldn't suck a dick for that?"

Between this and the rimjob article linked here today, I'm glad I'm too old and celibate for all this nonsense. I'm gonna go get me another cat and see what's on Netflix.

This is correlation, not causation. I think it's pretty clear the actual causation is the fact that women on birth control are obviously huge sluts whom God then strikes down with blindness.

1. Cillian Murphy

For real though, Lee Pace.

Is that Jeffery Dean Morgan? Jesus I love that guy. Him and his Spanish cousin Javier Bardem.

Oh and if we're talking better men....

Has anyone else noticed a correlation between people who fawn over Adam Levine and those who enjoyed/will defend to the death Fifty Shades of Gray? Or is it just mediocre people in my life?

I find this one sort of cute. The humor is gentle, the tone is whimsical, and there's a marked lack of either rape references or threats of cunt punting.

I don't get it. Where's the nudity? The drugs? The trips to rehab? The car accidents? The drunken upskirt photos?

Yeah, Cat Marnell's pretty much the picture you see when you look up "insufferable" in the dictionary.

I will not read that book of hers
I will not read it on the shores
I will not read it in my car
I will not read it in a bar
Nor in a tiny red brick house
Nor in the subway, near a mouse
I will not read it over lunch
It will be bad, I have a hunch

See, now if it had been in the shape of an armadillo, I might be forced to like them a teensy tinsey bit.

I would have answered, "Sorry, not car shopping right now." Seriously. I would never have figured that out. Not in the morning, anyway.

I feel like he gave himself a little pep talk there near the end when he jumped back up again before finally getting the cracker "Damnit Douglas, you can do this! You've stolen hundreds of crackers before, this one is no different. Now you go back down there and you get that cracker!"

Romertopf clay baker, $50, Amazon