@maude_flanders: Ebert is nothing if not a fan of breasts. As I recall he gave Rapa Nui an extra star simply because of all the naked tits on display.

@pond-side-over: Not his daughter, the off-duty cop's.

@biancajames: O is actually a surprisingly good magazine. Good writing, interesting articles, and Martha Stewart-style cooking/decorating stuff without all the Martha Stewartness.

@MiloMinderbender (will sell you shares of the syndicate.): Wow, you're quite a precocious three-year-old :)

She looks exactly like I did at that age. It's on, "HollywoodLife." It's fucking ON.

What? Isn't Justin Bieber, like, 8 years old? Since when can he even drive, much less pull over to make out?

@andhowever: Your boyfriend sounds hysterical.

@stationendrama: I do and always have. I've got a broad back and attempting to use the clasp always results in horrifically pulled triceps.

I'm reminded of the Something Awful Forums' character summaries: "Mercedes Jones is still black."

If this random woman that no one's ever seen or heard of before is actually "teaching [Lohan] about life" she must be a colossally shitty educator, given that Lindsay's shit-broke and one missed court date away from prison.

And here I was thinking that Chris Klein had received a software upgrade and was enjoying a healthy career playing Finn on Glee. My heart breaks.

@briarbite: I'm sorry, I don't buy it. The joke is predicated on a misunderstanding/play on words that South Park already covered years ago. Nothing more.

@lucierohan: Agreed on all counts.

PLEASE do not sully the name of True Lies by associating it with this shitsicle. One is the pinnacle of human artistic achievement, the other is a Katherine Heigl movie.

@HRH Your Cuntness aka likepenguins: Ha!

I read What's Happening To My Body? in fifth grade and spent the next ~4 years drawing in my health textbook and ignoring the teacher as he/she explained how only gay people can get AIDS. I turned out just fine.

I agree that men's fashion is far too conservative in the US, but I also think that is an aggressively ugly shirt. Can't we find a middle ground, together? Let's all join hands.

@MizJenkins: I'm usually pro-dance and pro-music (I sang and danced to Guns 'N Roses and the Beastie Boys and managed to survive) but I agree. Jesus Christo!

@ink: Shit, yeah!