A+ tweet placement. Hudgens’s face is the exact face I made reading Ono’s tweet.

The absolute fucking worst. Not sure what it is about endangering people’s lives that is so hilarious to this person. Or anyone else even jokingly referring to her as a “hero.” This is disgusting.

The question of sex aside...

Ok. So Bullock’s new bf was (as per the story) in a relationship for three years. With a 23 year old. He is 49. They started dating when the young woman was 20 and he was 46. THAT would worry me more. I have no problem with age gaps. But she was barely an adult. uuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhh.

• Never Made It As a Wise Man, Couldn’t Cut It As a Husband Either
  
  

Jez is truly doing the Lord’s work, bringing me all these dick-related/dick-adjacent stories today. Bless you, magical dick fairies of Jezebel.

This is absolutely the best post of the week already. Unless you’ve got more dick-specific writing headed our way, I’m ready to declare this the winner.

Also, 10000% this is a dick. A massive dick. Which is appropriate for Liberty “University”.

That’s what I was thinking. PRIVATE PLANE?!

Right?!

One of his most famous roles for North American audiences is in Memoirs of a Geisha

Behold!

Oh yes. I got carried away in my “Fantasy Bond” choices. So unless the actor can at least pretend to be painfully British, they won’t work.

Come on, Rainn Wilson. Using the “proper” (non-English) pronunciation of a word doesn’t make you sound pretentious. You’re just saying the word!

Having this conversation earlier I also suggested these two individuals for Bond.

R.Kelly is actual human garbage and I can’t fucking believe people talk about him like he isn’t a predator serial rapist of teenage girls. He should be launched into the goddamn sun.

As I was reading Mara Wilson’s tweet I was like “Hasn’t she said this before? Where could she take this?” AND THEN SHE TOOK IT TO THE BEST PLACE.

<3333333 Mara Wilson.

“Not that this is jealousy, but jealousy does the opposite of what you want it to—that’s a yoga mantra.”

“The BUTT-lah!”

uh...

Would be more impressed with some version of this as a tattoo.

Yeah, I mean. Not to be that person but... seems like it would be reaaallllyyy difficult to flick a vagina. She could have touched the fan inappropriately, sure, but on the vagina would likely be a bit of a production you’d be able to see coming.

It’s like they took two, maybe three, terrible songs and made them into one giant glorious mess.