In my little town, everyone goes to the grocery after work. Every damned day. It’s awful. If I need beer on a Wednesday evening, I go to the liquor store and pay a little more, but at least it’s just me and the stoned clerk.

E Fresh

I heard someone describe Trubisky’s QB play as when you go to a wedding and you’re not a good dancer so you just really hit it hard on one or two songs early on, make a scene, and then try and shuffle into the background never to be seen again on the dance floor, and I really like that description 

As a Bears fan I’d like to reiterate I have no idea what the fuck Trubisky is doing there.

Born and raised Arizonan and oh man you barely scratched the surface. We didn’t even get to all the Militia-Wingnuts in the northwest corner of the state, the fundamentalist compounds full of all manner of unsavory shit (Sister-wives ahoy), the batshit gun culture, and that every other year or so the State Legislature…

Drumroll please!

Perhaps all the Bears fans telling Parkey that he was singlehandedly responsible for the loss (and should die) suggested to Parkey that it was, in fact, about him

Philadelphia Eagles Twitter Account Run By Shameless Biter

Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters-Tebow sounds like the name of a law firm based in Narnia.

Not more, just enough to make kids and prove to baby Jesus that you’re not a homo.

She-sounds like-a nice-girl. I'm-happy for-them.

Oh yeah man. Nothing screams “more sex” like getting married. 

I’m an above average 6'2 180 pound 29 year old male. If I was put in as a running back on 1st and goal from the 1 and given the ball (up to) four straight times

Prediction: Eli Manning will sign a contract extension in the offseason and immediately die of natural causes. Then he’ll start all 16 games next year.

Nathan Peterman puts his oatmeal in the fridge to cool off.

Nathan Peterman’s idea of a fancy dinner is putting ketchup on his mayonnaise sandwich.

Nathan Peterman’s favorite film of 2018 is the American Airlines safety video.

LOL

Nathan Peterman likes how copier paper feels on his skin.

Remember that episode of South Park where Cartman gets Kenny to put a picture of his ass as his school picture, and gets it put on a milk carton, and those folks with butts for their faces show up at his door looking for their missing son, and he blows a funny fuse because he’ll never see anything that hilarious ever…