Drug testing 90 year-olds is the absolute fucking apex of our shitty puritanical society.

“Women started it, change my mind!” - read the sign held up by Trevor Bauer, in just a diaper, on a college campus somewhere five years from now.

Lance Stephenson pushed his girlfriend down a flight of stairs and smashed her head into the bottom stair because she wouldn’t answer her phone on girls-night-out. Fuck Lance Stephenson and the bullshit whimsical personality narrative he’s been gifted.

You think you’re mad now, wait until Simmons fires up the NBA TRADE MACHINE and uses one of the following phrases: “who says no?” “so I called my dad and he said...”“my NBA trade value list is a trademarked living organism”

Thanks Will, this is such a bummer and now I am totally depr...OOH THIS BABY CHIMP ON TWITTER HAS LEARNED TO USE A CASH REGISTER!!!

Wow Papa John is almost unrecognizable now.

Yes yes my dad would totally love them.

Speaking of narcissistic sociopaths, is Drew doing better?

Zach Brown sounds like the name of a band your dad loves.

Oh boohoo. Have Ernie Grunfeld as your GM for 80 years and then we can talk.

Wow very cool video, cool cool. Is Drew okay?

Coincidentally, salted pig assholes was the Babe’s favorite snack!

Pretty easy way out of this for the Bulls:

Pretty sure Schilling took a shitton of red pills.

“See?!?!?” - Jordan Rodgers

Guess I’ll just have to wait for the Barstool blog about how women are the real sexists.

“These dramatically different things could only co-exist in our wonderfully wild machine.”

Career-killing moves, now that’s a brand I can get behind!

Still a million times better than any college basketball game.