Dearest Madonna,

Yeah, I'm the one trolling because I don't know what the fuck I was talking about. It was the black guy. Dammit. My bad. In the words of the illustrious Gov. Rick Perry, "Oops."

I have to say it's pretty fucked up the photo you chose here. One would immediately think the black guy with the Ravens logo on his polo is the purported asshole, when in fact Mr. Sanders is actually the white guy polo dude is talking to. Really good job you guys are doing with the trolling. And score another one for…

Jimbo: No Jameis! You turn it over one more time you will not go back in the game!

New York City is begging for The Purge.

Yep, you fucking nailed it here. Way to drop the mic on 2014.

Not fucking cool man.

I'm sure you'll find a couple of Bears back there. Too soon?

Somebody should tell him to rescue that other bitch named Miley.

I can't figure out whether it's good or bad, but this show seems to be less about sororities and more about a bunch of lame ass bitches doing lame ass things in an apparently smaller-than-I-thought lame ass city. Who are in sororities.

Kim Kardashian has a staff, yet no actual discernible evidence of a job. OIA.

As fantgasmic as this sounds, I would like to see the actual email where she said this, as opposed to it being reported she said this. It does seem a bit out of the blue given the bad press she's had about statements of race she made, and we've seen those emails.

Thumper is the laziest goddamn name for a pet rabbit. Zero thought was put into that.

Real talk, who actually really wanted to see this fucking thing anyway? No one loses here.

"Hillary, I'ma let you finish but..."

WAR? What is it good for?

If any of these scientists are reading Jezebel, master the bewbs thing and move along to what really matters: the dick.

#Notallmen are created equal.

That is the greatest thing I've ever seen. And I witnessed The Fappening.

On date number two I went home with the guy (because I'm classy like that). He removed his shirt and had no hair in his armpits. I thought that was weird. He pulled his undies off, no hair either. Turns out, he shaved his entire body on a bi-weekly basis. Couldn't do it. Not saying I need a Chewbacca, but I need some…