pissing on fences, skeeting on sheets, and shitting the bed is just the Russian way.

"But I can't complain what the accident did to my left eye cause look what an accident did to Left Eye first Aaliyah now, HOLY SHIT BOB, AGAIN!?!"

Uhhh he never said he would have a problem with it, just that Sam as a player is going to bring unwanted attention to a team that other players are going to have to answer questions about. Think unwanted attention similar to the Tebow circus that surrounded the Jets; it's not the players fault the media is going to be…

Welcome to the Club Sam
- Gays everywhere

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Everything about this story is metro

Reporter: What would you tell the Olympians who might have any concerns about their safety living in the Olympic village?

"For the first time since 1976, there's a new figure skating event at the Olympics."

The Opening Ceremony Goes Off Without a Hitch*

"Olympic Games are always about building bridges. Really really expensive bridges. Like mind-boggilingly expensive."

"Noah suddenly goes into point-guard mode"

This is the first time Austria has laid down before Germany marched.

The lack of synchronization pays homage to their national pastime of getting shitfaced on vodka.

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TL;DR: Both the game and the commercials in Austria looked like shit

Not sure why there needs to be a reenactment with Legos when the actual game film is Peyton shitting bricks.

Amazingly the Middle East has the most representatives in Sochi, but it seems unlikely they'll be leaving with any gold, maybe some tin and all ten fingers if they're lucky.

That giant curtain is actually the finishing touches on the Cultural Center.

Not sure if Sochi officials understood that Larry Craig's ultimate goal was to wind up in the same stall.