Simmons’ wife should have left him after he wrote that shit about Jessica Simpson. Jesus...

Two things I will never forget for as long as I live:

I can’t think of a sports video in recent memory that makes me happier than McCutchen giving his gloves to those two kids. I could watch that every day for the rest of my life and never get tired of it.

Can you imagine if a Muslim politician said “I can’t be alone with another woman because of my religion”? Hell, imagine if Obama said it. White people would scream “SHARIA LAW!!!” and burn this country to the ground.

So do the Blazers win a Game against Golden State? I say they win Game 3, because the Warriors are almost always bad in Game 3 for some reason. I also see the Blazers coming really close to winning either of the first two games in Oakland, before blowing it in the last three minutes.

That was during the time when they brought back Peter’s parents for no damn reason, as if anyone should care about Peter’s parents. I grew up on the Bagley/Michelinie era of Spidey, and have a lot of affection for it, but I hated that storyline so much.

If you think ice cream cake is better than regular cake, that just means you’ve never had a really good cake, and now I feel bad for you. Someone who loves you should bring you good cake.

White people have been saying things like this on television for as long as television has existed. This didn’t start with Trump.

I’m sorry.

I think Talia al Ghul ended up running the company, and she was eventually replaced by Lana Lang.

No, he’s worse than most comic book villains

Why are people shocked that Aaron Sorkin is the same kind of dick as every white man in an Aaron Sorkin show?

Calipari didn’t create the one and done model, the NBA did when they said kids couldn’t go straight to the league from high school anymore. Why hold it against him instead of David Stern?

When you gotta go stop Dr. Octopus, but the new Kendrick is fire...

This is the kind of article I expect to see on another site, then come to Deadspin to see them shit on it. Seeing so many people pick apart a 20-year-old dropping 70 points in an NBA game is absurd. Folks are really highlight truthering and policing the joy of a kid.

Wait. WAIT.

Anyone play Mass Effect: Andromeda yet? Mass Effect 2 is probably my favorite video game ever, and I wasn’t nearly as interested in Mass Effect 3 because I didn’t see how it could be as good. That’s how I feel about Andromeda.

What’s the best crime series you’ve ever read? It’s hard for me to choose anything over Richard Stark’s Parker books. I could read them every fucking year and never get sick of them.

On Le Batard’s Show today they spent eight minutes just watching this segment in awe, and it was amazing: