Actually had to fan myself a bit at my desk. God DAMN.

On the one hand, I think he's going to be disappointed. On the other, I'm really glad to know that this fuckhead would find me hugely unattractive, because I would never in a million years want to date him. Everybody wins!

Sorry, sweetheart, that's not how it works. They're is something wrong with the way you expressed your opinion. You declared the women in those wigs — and every woman with dyed hair — categorically ugly, and declared yourself superior for having undyed hair. You insulted a lot of people, all for what? To feel better…

Again — what relevance does this have to your original post? Why are you citing unrelated arguments (which I take issue with, too) to justify your attitude? You said something mean, either apologize or own it, but don't make excuses. "She did it, too!" is not a valid reason to be a jerk.

First, I'm not talking about any comments but yours. Using someone else's theoretical bad behavior to justify your own is the worst argument in the world. Second, I don't defend anyone who tears others down to boost their own ego. That said, most of the body pos stuff I see on Jezebel is saying "love your body…

It's not your "mainstream" view that's bothersome, it's that you're shitting on people with bright and/or unnatural hair colors by saying that our appearance makes you feel better about yourself for not looking like us. It's akin to saying "whew, at least I don't look as ugly as her." Knocking people down to build…

It's not even that it's when you gain a sense of self, but when you gain a sense of your impact on the world around you. Your compassion and empathy, and ability to foresee the consequences of your actions all solidify in your early 20's. People make stupid mistakes when they're <25 because they haven't quite learned…

My jizz is to women what Walter White’s pure blue meth is to junkies.

Holy fuck, I never knew about Cambozola. How am I not already swimming in a giant wheel of it right now?

I think this can't possibly be real, and I feel like such a cynic for it.

Novocaine is not expensive. The only reason docs don't use it is because they don't think we need it.

It doesn't have to be painful, mine wasn't. My doc injected me with novocaine and I walked home right afterwards. No biggie, didn't require an escort. Docs that forgo pain management for IUD insertion are not acting in their patients' best interests.

WORD. I won't even let the mister go down when he's recently brushed his teeth. TOO MINTY, IT BURNS.

Damn, my doc injected my cervix with enough novocaine to anesthetize a horse; I felt nothing. I feel sorry for those who don't get numbed up first, that must hurt like a motherfucker.

Exactly. The fact that she saw this as an appropriate thing to call someone under any circumstances says that a) she knows how cruel a word it is and b) uses that word to describe people.

I dunno, man, my dog seems pretty repentant about her farts, she'll get startled, confusedly sniff her own butt, and then slink away. She will also sometimes do this when I fart near her. She is many things, but a fan of farts, Mrs. Wigglesworth is not.(I should also note that the wiggle is not fond of most humans, so…

I always heard that line referred to as the "Harvard line."

Yeah, exactly. I've heard that your gift should be commensurate with the cost of your plate before, but it's ultimately more important to give a gift that you can a) afford and b) means something to you and/or the couple. Any couple who bitches that someone's gift wasn't big enough needs to realign their thinking.

Or if they've already established their home, they could have some class and kindly request no gifts at all, like my husband and I did. Weddings should be about celebrating a union, not making money.

Maybe it's because my boobs are bigger than yours, or maybe it's because I'm an old, but don't you get all sweaty under your funbags without a bra? That shit annoys the hell out of me.