Once in a blue moon, my skin touches water. I've never had hand on turd contact. I go under the balls, and never any trouble. Unless your balls are obscenely huge (mine are just huge, of course), you shouldn't have a problem.

I selected “Something totally different”. Here is my explanation:

Oh, well, then I will explain, traveler from the distant past. It is now 2016. April 1, to be exact. You are reading this on something called the “internet”. I’m not sure how you accessed the internet so quickly after arriving from the distant past. Since your ‘phone’ has a ‘dial’, I assume you came from somewhere…

A sack, by definition, is not a ball. You can have a ball playing with your sack, and you can put your balls in your sack, but your sack is not a ball. It's a container for 2 balls.

Look at the date on your phone. draw conclusions.

I like all your balls, Joanna.

God dammit Jezebel, you keep screwing everything up. DUAN comes at the end of the day!!!

Anna, have you worked here before? Because this surpasses the average Barry Petchesky or Tom Ley post in both writing quality and depth of basketball analysis.

That is a good Dick gif of a huge Dick. I hate that Dick, which would fit into the stereotype of the Jezzies hating Dick.

You’re doing it wrong. You’re supposed to rank them, and include Carol Aird being hit by a car as the second to worst one.

This is a thing now. Usually, it does not involve a child who was murdered by said child's parents, but it is a thing. I've seen this somewhere before.

This fills me with so many sads. I like you better on Deadspin, Barry. The Deadspin world is so much happier a place, what with its bears and dick jokes and jokes about bears with dicks.

I have not sat to pee since I achieved the status of being fully potty trained. So, about 2 years now (I'm 45).

S

Oh, JOLIE, WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?!?!

Can you write about the ethical way to hire a hooker for a night of passion-free disappointment?

Dick jokes everywhere today, son. But please avoid the Dick gifs, unless they are Dick Van Dyke Gifs.

ummmm....hmmm.....something sexist sounding, but not too horrible....oh...MAKE US A SANDWICH!!!!!

Over the TOP.

Your mom.