Is Brian Hoyer available now? John Elway just wanted to check.

Hey Denver, it's time to get Kaped.

Brock needs the security a good Papa John's pizza provides. With Peyton's retirement, it was time for Brock to find a new security pizza.

I think the Broncos were somewhere in the high 30's. 3/39, maybe? I think that might have been the guaranteed amount, plus some bonus opportunities, so it may have been closer to 45.

Only $10 million per career start! That's nothing!

I’d be happy to comb through every low-rent watering hole in...oh...wait. Suburban America? Nevermind.

The Bears have an extra Cutler laying around. The Broncos can have him back, just return Kyle Orton to Chicago.

Ned Yost is actually a giant bee wearing human skin.

I want to give you 1 trillion stars for this

You're a blogger. Don't you work in your basement?

But, won't the stadium just be an annex to the MGM Grand? With video poker terminals in each seatback?

There’s a thing called Bath Sheets. They’re as big as, or bigger than, beach towels. If you get a good brand, they’re also nice and puffy and comfy.

I'll granite that it's a nice picture, but he's still pretty igneous for leaving his iPad where a rookie could find it.

Then he would be suspended by the NCAA.

be careful. I have the norovirus.

The guy is a wrestler from Iowa.

Fuck yeah.

My gut tells me that Osweiler's going to see what the Texans offer, then tell that to Denver, who will match it and he'll sign. This is why Peyton waited until today to make his funeral official.

Well, if you go with the latter, you’re going to overpay for a shitty known quarterback (Ryan Fitzpatrick? RG III? Matt Hasselback?!) with little to no upside (who knows, maybe RG III has upside?!). And then draft a guy with unknown upside to ‘learn’ behind Fitzback III instead of Manning. And you have a shitty draft…

Hey, if you were possessed by the ghost of Harry Caray, you'd say some weird shit, too.