Eagels fan here. I’m calling it early: we sign Kap, he plays like a man possesed, we roll through the playoffs and win our first Superbowl, and Goddel is forced to hand to Lombardi trophy to Kap, the games MVP.

And he’s not even the biggest one in his own family (since in-laws count, sigh)!

crazy to think that someday we will all crawl into that huge pink mouth and huddle behind the shattered and tilted peaks of his teeth along the rolling wet hills of his McDonald’s-impacted gum line as he leaps, naked, out into space on a trajectory set for Earth 2, a quivering savior hurtling spread eagle through the…

the cocaine is probably really good, though

you leave Chicago out of this, we have the best pie around.

I’d like to explore a new topic: is there a subject matter that makes New Yorkers more insufferable when discussing than pizza?

More like “Tonight on ‘How to tell someone has never eaten good pizza before’”

If anything Kaep is somewhere around the level of Rosa Parks and other freedom riders. That’s not a bad thing. You need those people just as much as you need a MLK-type figure as well.

Please, TIME, give him Person of the Year and drive the stupid fucking President into a ragestroke. Please, TIME, give him Person of the Year and drive the stupid fucking President into a ragestroke. Please, TIME, give him Person of the Year and drive the stupid fucking President into a ragestroke.
 

Gould has a better shot of working for the Bears during next year’s draft than Pace or Fox do

This is a false narrative. The Bears, in fact, clowned themselves.

Of course. A missed defensive holding call is beyond the pale and completely deserving of an unexpected decapitation attempt that forces the db from the game.

These two sentences do not belong together:

I photoshopped a Pokemon character into this photo, like Eli was playing Pokemon Go. I can’t find it, but it was pretty funny. You’ll have to trust me on that.

I just threw up on my fucking shoes. Do you see what we let happen, people? The philly fans are smiling. GREAT JOB everyone.

This is exactly the fan response that the NFL was hoping for.