“I’ve been taken out to MANY ballgames, believe me. Yuuuge ballgames, yuuuge crowd. And let me tell you, I actually DID care if I ever came back because I have many successful businesses to run, like my new Trump Peanuts and Cracker Jacks. The best peanuts and cracker jacks, believe me. These peanuts and cracker…

I personally thought he sounded great, and I majored in Music at Trump University, so I know a thing or two about singing.

The things a lady has to do for a green card.

First Guy: “We need money. Let’s rob a warehouse.”

He’s a good teen

He was the best of teens, he was the worst of teens

Fine, I’ll say what everyone’s thinking: Is there a Mister Koritala?

To be fair, that’s a good show no matter your alternatives.

Not surprised to see Penn State have its way with a young OSU team.

He also understands that Allen, Shaw, and Miller don’t need defined roles, and can be unleashed at any time and counted on to record more than three outs.

Can’t I just sell Russia my credit card number directly?

Florida (obvious)

Unless she is driving herself to Supercuts.

I’m tired of my Facebook feed getting cluttered with false equivalency. “Both candidates are bad, can we get a do over? Lol!”

Listen, if there’s any positive thing to come out of this election it’s that these people are coming forward and identifying themselves. What we gotta do now is wait til the election is over, find these people, tag their ears, and notify the general public that those who are tagged are not to be trusted as teachers,…

I think we just did... :(

Excuse you, that’s “Big League”, as in serious, as in high class. Serious people, okay? Because phrases. The most tremendous, the greatest- believe me- sentence. Fragments. Look! over here A Lot. A lot of people. Smart people. African Americans. Hell. Inner cities: DISASTER, okay? Islamophobia? ISISssss *SNIFF* they…

I tell ya, Ed, the last time I saw a Scottie that flustered, he needed more dilithium crystals.

/Johnny Carson voice

What you did there....I see it.

I’ve seen these guys before: