like when you try to give your cousin grief over video games to make him feel normal while he slowly dies of leukemia

I expect Donald Trump to give a witty, urbane, well-informed speech at his next rally.

Give the rest to the rats beneath Fenway.

No matter how much of that stuff he takes I don’t think he’ll ever get pregnant

Arians is a great coach but he is delegating more than Trump, and to people who are about as competent as Stephen Miller but with less racism.

I love Beyonce, but for this one thing, seriously, fuck Beyonce. Weighing 175 lbs isn’t “every woman’s nightmare”. I weigh more than that, and it’s certainly not a nightmare for me. It stings that she thinks it is. What *is* a nightmare is living in a world where women and girls are influenced by celebrities like…

He finally buy that pack of cigarettes?

“You’re right, it is all Roe’s falt!”

Nearly everyone restaurant in Chicago that isn’t a national chain cuts its thin crust pizza into squares.  This is the proper way to cut pizza.

Any drive-thru, in front of me:

Its been my experience that nothing good ever happens when you wait until the last minute to start pulling things out.

Yet another reason you don’t take advice from Kenny Rogers.

She’s a confident and unapologetic black woman. Nothing makes people crazier.

“Was she really that late a bloomer at the top?”

You’ve got it wrong man. Mr. White was Reservoir Dogs.

Really, you just need to look at his background to see where this stuff comes from:

+1 Hollywood Upstairs Medical School

To protect those with legitimate reasons for not being vaccinated like people with autoimmune disorders, infants, the elderly and the infirmed. I mean,  I guess if you don’t care about anyone else, your point makes a lot of sense. A lot of us don’t like seeing the weakest members of our society put at risk because…

Dear Penthouse,