It’s the Browns. This is like Schrödinger’s Draft Pick. Whoever they choose has a 50% chance of being a dead cat.

“What do you mean you clogged the toilet with a boa?”
“It means exactly what I said fat ass.”

But Josh Gordon is gonna have his career ruined because of weed.

I had a killer swing when I was a kid. It claimed two of my siblings and a neighbor’s kid before they removed it from our tree and lifted the curse.

As long as you can get American soldiers killed, you will always have defenders, because there will always be people who think saying that American soldiers were sent somewhere to die for no good reason is more offensive than sending American soldiers somewhere to die for no good reason.

Eat all the dicks, please.

Considering we live in a country that doesn’t reliably track police shootings I can understand how tracking knee braces for college athletes can slip through the cracks.

It’s quite illegal by the letter of the NFL rule book, but Steelers fans can’t read, so this was inevitable.

You think that was clean? I’d hate to see your kitchen.

Or you’re at Arby’s

Chris Berman: [flashes wallet]

He’s always had a soft spot for the bills.

Sitting on that has got to hurt your BACK BACK BACK.

Good to see the Cavs making a move to up the team’s grittiness factor.

Why do you hate Protecting The Shield?

“I’m definitely great. Look, I threw twice as many TDs as Tony Romo this season!”

Think for a second. Think about how egotistical you need to be to start the season as QB, have your shoulder explode around week 2, not come back until the end, see your team go 1-15 and think “heh, nailed it.”

Actually they were applauding because they showed an anti-STEM commercial on the jumbotron.

This is great Kinja.

He didn’t attend his grandfather’s funeral—the same grandfather he once called before every game.