It’s over 9000!

> It has to get better than this, I’m tempted to say, because: how could it get worse?

Now that Joe Harris has grown a beard, he is currently my favorite player with a beard who is named Joe Harris.

> ... do you ever remember a victory like this?

Wait, when was Alex Smith traded to the Cleveland Browns?  We have a patent on this, Haslem should sue.

> The good news is that, per his contract, Jon Gruden will have nine more years to figure out the NFL’s rules and when to throw the red flag. He should have it down by 2022 at the latest.

My favorite part of this photo is the misguided attempt to convince onlookers that the presence of a beard somehow connotes having a chin.

> The team signed Matt Barkley on Halloween, and he’s still trying to learn the offense.

Point of clarification: “exist” is not a synonym for “matter”.

Especially since, at least from what I see in the clips, he already IS Michael Beasley, without a lot of the peripheral weirdness.

Is Thomas a cancerous penis? Because really, other than the cancerousity and the penistude, there isn’t much to Dez Bryant’s “shape” other than that of cancerous penis.

I think you’re ready to be a Cleveland Browns fan!

Of all the guys the New Jersey Nets depend on to play basketball games, Joe Harris is one of them.

If you’ll look closely, that’s my man Joe Harris setting this up by using a Hamill Camel spin move to funnel Griffin into the block.  Very clever, Joe!  Good job, good effort!

As a Virginia alumnus who grew up in Akron, I have no choice now that Bryant Stith is no longer active(*).

As the Joe Harris Fan Club (not a member of, but the definition of), I feel obligated to point out that he is, in fact, one of New Jersey’s “guys.” He’s a guy!

Wait, you DO play checkers on a chessboard.  Or chess on a checkerboard.  It’s the same board!

Yeah, but it’s also unaffiliated with any humor or entertainment value in its current form.

> He’s the kind of security blanket in the AL playoffs that can probably only be equalled by Houston’s Justin Verlander.

> Oh the movies over.