“You want a tow? I can get you a tow. Hell, I can get you a tow by 3 o’clock”

I don't know what you're talking about. So far as I can tell this is the first thing we have ever published about Marco Rubio.

This Kinja is about as great as Rubio’s campaign.

“Corn holin’”

American Pharoah would have easily beaten Kerber.

Even worse?

Kobe’s post-retirement statue is going to look pretty epic when they put it right under Shaq’s ass.

unfortunately he came back to plant a murder weapon.

Great. Now Rocky is stealing that Patrice O’Neal joke from Amy Schumer.

HamNo looks different than I expected.

I imagine how lonely you must be.

“707" upside down spells “LOL”

Louisville’s James Burgess Ejected 11 Seconds Into Music City Bowl

Hearing about a couple named Candi and Jimbo getting divorced because they’re Seminoles but she slept with a Gator is the most Floridian story ever written.

Typical Mormons: the only thing getting blown is money.

That was so quick the Pitt sideline unfurled a Mission Accomplished banner.

This is what happens when your navy is the smallest it's been since World War 2!!1!1! Thanks Obama!1!!!

Not surprised at all that CNN didn’t take her off the desk for the rest of the day just because her brain stopped working for a bit. Otherwise they’d have to fire Don Lemon.

“What the fuck you lookin’ at?”

Sure, Bobroczkyi looks stiff out there. But you should see how ten minutes in bubbling hot water relaxes him.