I went to Baylor. My wife went to Baylor. Our kids won’t be Bears.

I’m starting to think that Baylor was a corrupt organization that allowed a rape culture to flourish. But I need yet another 148 examples of it just to be sure.

Crazy that sexually repressive religious institutions might have trouble handling rape and sexual assaults properly...

51 rapes and I could totally understand how Art could have missed it. But Fifty TWO?! That’s where I draw the line.

He’s like a bunch of exclamation points personified.

Always start your answer with “Tom Cruise, John Travolta”. They’re the easiest ones to remember.

I don’t think I could do anything but panic with Bill Eicher screaming at me and asking me things. Just watching him makes me want THE longest nap. He’s like a bunch of exclamation points personified.

third prize is hospitalization

If only Oderinde had named the workout after a fallen soldier, he could have sold it to CrossFit.

This show sounds about as interesting as listening to my co-workers endlessly discussing crossfit and marathons while eating tuna straight out of the can at lunch.

That’s two tasty pick sixes for Bama today.

Reporter: Did you see they caught you on camera?

Or, more simply, just use a syringe full of air that would induce death.

Is there a celebrity with a higher success to talent ratio than Kathy Griffin? She’s the Kiss of comedians.

McDonald’s is Eugenics? Public school are eugenics? Words do not have a meaning anymore, I’d like fish in my coffee, hat!

His turbans must be cutting off blood flow to his brain.

Wait, what? You’re calling a guy who hit and ran a pregnant woman while coked out of his mind, then coming back to retrieve a bag full of cash from his car, a cheater and a drug user? GTFO.

I have a four-year-old daughter, and I’m honestly terrified of her getting older because of this, because of misogyny, because of everything.

Wait, wait. These guys got off? (dildo jokes aside.) What about the damage to Federal property? What about the threats against the FBI? What about the trashing of the Native American artifacts? What about their still-unpaid grazing bills?