Did the lifeguard have a blue or green tinge? Did he leave footprints behind in the sand? Did your boyfriend look away, only to look back and the lifeguard is no longer there? Did his voice sound at all like the noise you hear when you put a conch shell up to your ear?

Not my story, but my parent's instead. So back when my mother was still alive, we would occasionally talk about whether she would get to see her oldest kid and only daughter walk down the aisle (not very likely...and well, never now!). Inevitably though, the conversation would always turn to how terrible of a start…

"The ocean is hungry."

WHEN IS THE NEW LUTHER SEASON COMING OUT?

I don’t see how anyone can say this about POCs and not be racist. Like, hot is hot. I don’t think there’s a single race out there where I was like, naw, all billion of you are just not good sorry.

A couple of people (I’m assuming white, but it’s the internet and they didn’t specify) told me today that they just don’t find black people attractive. Actually, they said African Americans, so like...they’re being really pc about not finding an entire race attractive. BUT NOT BECAUSE THEY’RE RACIST, GUYS. Just, you…

And these entitled fucks think if you go to college you get a good job like they did when they were young, before they destroyed society by doing a bunch of coke and voting for Reagan. "This'll work fine!"

I had a table once whisper loudly to their children, "if you don't go to college, you'll end up waiting tables like her..." while I was prebussing their table.

Only a deranged asshole would order bacon extra limp, then offer said gelatinous fatty tissue to a terrified waitress as a peace offering. Crispy or nothing, limp dick psycho Santa.

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know my cheddar biscuits will be free. And I won't forget the men who died, so I can bitch about automatic gratuity.

What do you mean “you people”, asshole?

Better the bitch than the eye candy.

AND HE HAS NEVER BEEN IN A CAR WITH ME. EVER. IT WAS JUST SOMETHING HE FELT WAS DEFINITELY TRUE.

At a recent newsroom meeting where editors were debating whether I should travel to a city 7 hours away for a story, my younger male colleague (sports desk) baldly informed the room that this was terrible idea since “ChaseOM is a terrible driver!”

I work in education, specifically special education, so this isn’t usually an issue at my school site, though I have seen instances where, say, a male psychologist on the team insists that he is the only person who makes eligibility decisions, when in fact those are team decisions.

“Good for you!” pats you on the head.

I work for a big utility company in a technical position, and I am one of 6 women in a group of over 30 people. The majority of the company’s 23,000 employees are male, and the overwhelming majority of women in the company work in administrative support, clerical, or other non-technical roles. The culture can be…

The first example to come to mind:

I just found out a guy I know in a professional capacity and had always assumed was a few years ahead of me is, in fact, a few years younger without relevant professional experience! But, he talks like a Dad, like he’s got all this relevant life experience, you know what I mean? So here I’ve been listening to…

I edit a beer magazine so me and the SO go to beer bars and breweries quite a lot. Every single time the bartender will strike the conversation up with my SO about beer styles, trends, etc. and he’ll have to gesture over to me with while saying “I dunno, I don’t know much about beer. She’s the editor of xxyy magazine.…